Reflections of Nothing

Valentine 2012

2012-02-14T15:41:00.002-05:00

Red Deck, Blue Deck

2011-12-29T16:36:00.003-05:00

My father attended a lot of principal's conventions during his 35 years working for the school district. He learned a lot of great lessons, some of which he shared with me. This is one.

The gentleman running the seminar asked for a volunteer to help him out. A woman was chosen, and the speaker told her: "I'm the principal. You're my secretary. We're a team. As part of this team, it's important that you trust me and support me." He held up several playing cards, fanned out so that the blue backs showed clearly.

"These cards are red," he told her. "Now, will you please tell everyone what color the cards are?"

Confused, she looked at the blue cards and said to the audience, "Um, the cards are blue."

The speaker shook his head and fanned the blue cards back out in his hand. "It's very important that a secretary and principal have mutual trust and support. These cards are red. Will you please tell everyone what color the cards are?"

Hesitantly, looking at the very blue backs of the cards, she once again told the audience, "The cards are blue."

Smiling a little, the speaker shook his head again. "As your principal, it is important that you trust me and support me on this. These cards are red. Will you please tell everyone, what color are these cards?"

Obviously humoring him, the woman parroted, "The cards are red."

At that, the speaker turned the fanned cards around so that the woman, and the audience, could see that the cards were double-backed, and that the sides facing the speaker, which the woman was unable to see, were, in fact, red.

The point of this demonstration was to show that a principal, when making a decision, often has information that his secretary (and/or staff) doesn't. She needs to know and understand that, and rather than question or second-guess or undermine his decisions, he needs her to trust and support him.

My father went over this story with both of his secretaries, as well as the rest of his staff, and for the remainder of the time he worked in the school system, whenever he made a decision that looked a little strange on the outside, if his secretary started to second-guess him, he would just say "It's red deck, blue deck," and she would know that he had information he wasn't sharing with her, that made his decision reasonable.

Very often when we make decisions, we have information that others don't. For a variety of reasons--time and others' privacy being examples--we can't always share all of the information we have in explaining our decisions to others.

For example: Perhaps the principal announces that there will be inside recess on a day when the flawless weather makes this seem an odd decision. The kids are restless, the teachers are confused, everyone thinks the choice is unreasonable. The piece of information that none of them has is that the principal received a call that animal control has been called to handle a potentially rabid dog that has been seen on the playground. Sharing this information has no benefit and in fact would be wildly disruptive. So, he keeps it to himself and just announces the indoor recess. Animal control comes, takes the dog away, none of the children were put at risk, and life goes on.

This lesson works not just within the school systems, but in any boss/worker relationship, as well as parent/child, or any of a myriad of other relationship dynamics.

I know that as a parent, I don't always share with my children all of my reasons for a choice I make. I know that it is frustrating for them when they don't agree with something I decide and they think that it is arbitrary or unreasonable. What I need to be able to tell them, what they need to understand, is that I usually have a lot of information that they don't have, and that even if they don't think so, my decision makes sense.

Red deck, blue deck. mk

Basketball, Basketball, Basketball

2011-12-02T10:10:00.003-05:00

It's my favorite and most hectic season...basketball!! Kira is playing for two teams this year; her last year of Y ball, and her first year of busline! Busline has one or (usually) two games a week, plus 2-hour practices the other days. Generally busline is only Monday-Friday, but the schedule does include two Saturday games to play the island teams. First game was one of those, but at home. We have the other coming right up, and that's an away game, so everyone will be taking the ferry out to the island (brr!). The Y team gives her additional 1-hour practices on Tuesdays and Fridays, with games on Saturday mornings. So, six days a week of bball for her. So far she is handling all that beautifully, and she is in awe-inspiring physical condition (is an 11 year old supposed to have ab muscles like that??).

In addition to that, she is one of the best players on her team, a starter and the one who does the tip (at 5'4.5", she is the tallest girl on her team). I'm just blown away by her skill, on both offense and defense. At a game earlier this week against a consistently very well-coached team, she had a triple-double game....scored 16 points (of her team's total 32), and totally lost count of (utterly amazing) blocks and rebounds, along with several steals. We've known for some time that she had great potential, but it has taken until busline for her to be consistently put up against bigger and more skilled opponents, and she is rising to the challenge like a freakin' rocket. It's utterly beautiful to watch.

She has girls switching to get away from having to guard her. In two different games (they've played three so far), she was the direct reason for a time-out called by the other team's coach, to give instructions on how to (try to) handle her. Her defense is fabulous...it's amusing to see the girls she guards just not even try anymore to get the ball passed to them or to try to get to the hoop, but to just pass it back out. Oh, it doesn't happen with all the girls she guards, but it's happened a few times. She's not intimidated by the girls who are bigger than she is, either. One of the teams they've played had about six girls who were all WAY taller than she was, a couple of them around 6' tall (really, the team was just HUGE), and she didn't even blink but still went right after them. (This, I think, is probably because of all the times she's played against Mark, who towers over her and she couldn't care less.) She is just. plain. FIERCE.

X was telling me that he was sitting by the bus driver for the other team at a different game, and the bus driver said, 'Wow, she's really good, she'll do well at the high school next year.' When X told him Kira was only in sixth grade, the man was absolutely stunned.

(Can we tell that Mama is proud?) Hey, if I can't brag my tongue off on my own blog, where -can- I? I try to be fairly restrained with other parents and people, but DAMN the girl is good and I'm so amazed and impressed and proud.

Speaking of proud, I've got another kid to be super-proud of. Mark met his personal goal of making it onto the VARSITY team as a junior. There were three spots available on the team when you take into account the returning players (last year's freshmen and sophomores) and the juniors-turned-seniors who are guaranteed a spot on the team. (Not to be confused with 'all seniors who try out make varsity'...they actually had two seniors who tried out who have -not- been playing on the underclassman teams, and they were cut. You can't just walk in your senior year and say 'here I am, make me varsity!')

Mark is justifiably proud of this accomplishment, and I'm right along with him. I'm a little nervous that he won't get as much play time, since they do have the more experienced players for his position. There is a possibility that he could 'swing down' to play in some of the junior varsity games, they do that with the varsity underclassmen sometimes, but he's oddly not really interested, which surprised me. I would have thought he would have loved the opportunity to have the extra play time, but he really just wants to concentrate on his varsity work and being the best player for -that- team that he can be. Once I thought about it, and talked it over a bit with my dad, I can see it, and of course I'll support him on his decision, it's -his- sports career.

*grins* Some of the 'perks', so to speak, about being a varsity player: they get the biggest crowds, of course. They get the pep band playing at their games. They get warmup uniforms. They get the posters on the walls of the gym with their names and numbers on them. They get the "big picture" in the yearbook. The game programs have their height and weight (they are gathering that information at today's practice). (Freshman team just lists name and uniform number; JV lists name, uniform number, class year [Fr, Soph, Jr, Sr] and height; V-squad lists all that plus weight and I think position.) They have a specific 'entrance' routine, which is pretty impressive to watch, actually. They have the starting lineup announced. They have an -announcer-. They have tournaments and exhibition games. There is a ritual (weird, really) pre-game flat-on-the-floor huddle where they all drum their hands and yell (it's hard to describe, but yes, it -is- odd). There is a ritual where the crowd gets on their feet before the tip to applaud, and stays standing and applauding until the team scores their first basket, at which point everyone sits back down. (Basketball is -huge- at the school, can you tell?) All of these little things that add up to a -huge- difference that says: WE. ARE. VARSITY. This is what Mark has been looking forward to for his entire basketball career, and he gets two years of it. Two years of being one of the twelve top players on the top sports team in the top high school sports program in the state.

So yeah, Mama's a little proud of her boy, too.

Of course, what all this means for -me- is a LOT of time spent running around and juggling schedules. Who's at what school for what practice or game and how do I see this game and still pick up this kid or get this one to that place by what time? For example, today: Kira has busline practice from 3-5 and Y practice from 6-7, and Mark has practice from 2:30-4:15. Both just stay after school to get to their practice, which is great. (Oh, and did I mention I'm kind of the team mom for Kira's busline? So I go to all of her practices, too.) So Mark will stay at the school until Kira's practice ends at 5 and then I'll pick him up around 5:15, back home by 5:30, drop him off and Kira changes, then take off to her second practice before 5:45 and back home around 7:15, 7:30 to have dinner. Next Friday is going to be super-tricky. Next Friday is Mark's first GAME, and it starts at 7. Which is what time Kira's practice ends. I am not missing a minute of Mark's first game, including the warmups. So it's drop Kira off at practice and go to Mark's game. But how to get Kira back to the high school? Oh, and did I mention it's her birthday that day? Last year the girls who had practice on their birthdays brought cupcakes, and one had a pizza party (screw that). I don't mind doing cupcakes, but it does mean one. more. thing.

Oh, and did I mention that Mark's practice times change? Last night it was from 7:15 (which means he has to be there before 7) to 8:45. His coach said at the meeting the other night that they -hope- to have a season-long practice schedule out by next week, but right now they only know the rest of this week.

There is one (ONE!) date during the season in which there is not a conflict between a game for one and practice for the other (Mark has a home game and Kira has no practices that day). There is one date where they both have a game...and both are away games. (This doesn't include busline playoffs, where every one of those dates Mark has a game scheduled also)

So. LOVE LOVE LOVE basketball season, this year is going to be especially wonderful to watch...but it's also a personal scheduling hell.

Let's get ready to rock n roll. mk

Busted!

2011-11-23T11:00:00.002-05:00

So, Kira and I have been watching Glee on Netflix. We just finished watching an episode in which this song was played not once, but -twice- during the show. With lyrics. And obvious emphasis on the meaning of the chorus.

Pleeeease let her not recognize that this is the ringtone I have had for her father for several years. :P

Things That Made Me Laugh Tonight

2011-11-05T20:47:00.003-04:00

In typing my earlier post about Mark and the garage door, I found myself looking at movie and TV cliches. Some of them were just meh, but a few of them made me literally laugh out loud. Such as:

*Whenever someone is being chased by a car, they continue running down the middle of the street and never duck into a place the car can't get into.

I have no idea why this one gave me the giggles as badly as it did, but I find myself still grinning like a fool thinking about it.

I also found these: (and C, I thought of you and previous posts about oddly translated signs)

Actual English Subtitles Used in Hong Kong Films

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. Gun wounds again?

4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.

8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

14. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

15. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

16. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

17. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind

that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to

eat.

18. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now

deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.

19. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go

into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard

person.

I seriously need to get out more. mk

Living in a Comic Strip

2011-11-05T07:49:00.004-04:00

I swear to God, so many times I feel like I am living in a comic strip, or a sitcom. I was going to say the Brady Bunch, but I'm missing several kids, a new husband, Alice, and Tiger (although did anyone notice that Tiger just disappeared after awhile?).

Mark has his permit. Which, naturally, means that he is rabid to drive. Being the Awesome Incredible Mom that I am, I try to let him take the wheel as much as possible.

Have I mentioned that I just got a new(er) car??

The title finally came in, I got it registered, it is officially the new markiramobile. Mark loves driving the new car. Whenever I am supposed to take him someplace or pick him up, he makes sure to ask me to bring the new car (I keep telling him that the Impala is now the primary vehicle, that he doesn't have to keep saying that, but he wants to be really, really sure that he'll have the chance to drive it).

So, Tuesday we were going to Kira's practice, and naturally Mark was going to drive there. I had at that point had the car registered for less than a week, after waiting 19 days for the replacement title to come in. -I- was still eager to drive the car as much as possible, but I remember what it is like to have your permit, to finally after years of dreaming about it, be able to be legally behind the wheel, to have the power of thousands of pounds of metal in your hands.

We're in the driveway, Mark adjusts the seat, the mirrors, responsibly makes sure that everyone is buckled up, puts his foot on the brake, puts the car in gear, rests his right hand over the back of the seat as he turns around to watch behind him to back out of the driveway.

At which point I look over at the dashboard and, in increasingly frantic tones, say:

"You're in drive...You're in drive...YOU'RE IN DRIVE!!"

I spent the rest of the way to Kira's practice in some vague semi-hysterical state between laughter and not-quite-crying, realizing that my new car, that I have been waiting and waiting to get, was almost a prop in a cartoon cliche of a beginning driver barreling into the garage door instead of going in reverse.

Seriously. Comic strip life. mk

Halloween Prep 2011

2011-10-28T12:37:00.002-04:00

As we all know, October is my very favorite month, Halloween my favorite holiday. Every year I scurry around making costumes, perhaps attend the Halloween dance at the Bog Tavern, and if it's a good year, scaring many small children as a dead pirate on a haunted ship.

This will be a good year.

Setup will be last-minute, because the forecast says wind and snow Sunday morning, so we're going to have to pull it all together in one day, which is freaking me out, but I'm sure we'll be able to do it. I have the kids this year (traded for tomorrow, when X is taking them to see his sister-in-law in a roller derby in Portland). Still need to work out exactly what Kira is wearing, but that'll come together, and bring down all the big boxes of props from the third floor.

Tomorrow night Michelle, Brenda and I will go out dancing, and I like my costume idea this year. I'm going to be a Titanic non-survivor. Wearing the deep purple full-length bridesmaid dress I wore in 1999 (yes, I've kept it. Who knows why. Wait, I do...for this!), I've made a life ring that says Titanic on it to carry as a prop, and I will be cold and dead and drowned. Yay theatrical makeup!

Michelle is going as Red Riding Hood, and Brenda will be a sexy sailor girl. She got a costume pre-made, but was a little unhappy with how tight it was, so we picked out some glittery gold ribbon and I deconstructed the sides of the dress and inset the ribbon (freakin glitter EVERYWHERE now). It should be just right now. (She's also got a pair of very high gold heels, which are just a little too small for her, and she intends to give them to me after Halloween. Shoooooooes!!!)

Interestingly, that's the only sewing I have to do this year! My dress still fits perfectly (which I'm a little depressed about, actually), and for Kira's costume I ordered an actual proper uniform, so that'll be all set.

Kira will be a dead cheerleader. :D

We'll get started on her makeup about 2 hours before the Carnival, since I have to deaden her arms and legs too, in addition to putting bruises and scars and blood. Originally we were going to have half of her face terribly burned, with parts of it peeling away, but she is hoping that a BOY SHE LIKES (oh eek) will be going to the dance afterwards, and didn't want to be dancing with him (-if- they were to dance together) with a peeling face. Sheesh. I can't understand why not. :P

I -did- make the pom-poms to go with her costume, as I am apparently incapable of having an entire costume be purchased. :P The pom-poms were easy to make, cost $3 total, made from plastic tablecloth fabric. I'm not wild about the slight mis-match of color on the yellow with the gold-yellow on her costume, but she's ok with it and I just keep reminding myself it's JUST a Halloween costume, for a 2-hour Carnival, blah blah blah, but you know me. These details get to me. (deep breath. let it goooooooo)

So, those are the Halloween plans for this year. Oh, and Michelle and I are going to see Paranormal Activity 3 on Sunday. :D

Just for something fun, for the last couple of weeks, I've been changing my profile picture on Facebook every day to some horror image or another, mostly movie stills. Today it's a collage of scenes from 'Psycho.' I have also put in a couple of art pieces (Jamie Wyeth's Pumpkinhead: Self-Portrait, Charles Allan Gilbert's All is Vanity) and two digital media pieces an artistic friend has created (Entrance to Desecration, and Ghost Town wallpaper--a friend of mine commented and asked if that was my dream home, to which I replied 'of course!').

Well, I have a couple of hours before I have to start transforming my beautiful living daughter into a horrifying dead cheerleader, so off I go, attempting to be productive. :P

Let me know -your- plans for this Halloween weekend! mk

Meet Paula

2011-10-09T07:34:00.007-04:00

So, in an EXTREMELY exciting piece of news, my parents bought me a car!!!! Yes, it is time to retire the 1997 Dodge Intrepid (which I -love-, but she's unreliable and starting to break down around my ears). So for the last several weeks, I've been browsing for vehicles.

The first thing I had to do was let go of the idea of getting my dream vehicle, a Dodge Durango. That was hard to do, I've dreamed of having one for oh, more than 10 years. My friend Michelle has one, so I do get to drive one on occasion, which only made me want one more, but when I am perfectly honest with myself, I really don't need a vehicle that big, and the V8 engine is super thirsty, so I wouldn't be able to afford the gas. So with a HUGE sigh (well, a lot of huge sighs), I put away the Durango as a possibility.

Then I was looking at smaller SUVs...the ones that are sometimes referred to as 'cute utes.' In particular, I had my eye on the Honda CRV. Just the right size, great gas mileage, fabulous reputation.

As it turned out, Brenda ended up getting one on Friday!

So now two of my best friends have my dream vehicles. Can you believe it?

Still perusing craigslist and Uncle Henry's (Maine statewide classifieds publication), I first looked at and dismissed a car, but then went back and really checked it out. Researched the hell out of it (like I've been researching any car that takes my fancy...I could probably recite stats and true market value on several years of CRVs), and then called Mom & Dad. We drove down to Portland, took a good look at the car, barely had to test-drive it, and bought it.

Now I'm waiting for the paperwork to get worked out so I can get it insured and registered, but please meet the new markira-mobile. Mark insisted on naming it, and as it is a 2004 Chevy Impala, the name 'Paula' was a natural. Paula had one owner, a disabled older couple who are now both not allowed to drive, and stunningly, has LESS THAN 24,000 miles on her!

She's in absolutely brand-new condition, inside and out, has a trunk large enough to hold multiple bodies (which was my first comment when I saw it, of course, and has been verified...the kids have climbed in the trunk, they thought it was great fun...bwahahahaha), is sooo quiet you can barely tell when she's on. In fact, when I started it the first time, I looked at Mom and said, "The car's ON" and she, surprised, replied, "Are you sure??"

I'm customizing her a little bit, of course, to be more of 'my' vehicle. Yesterday I got these license plate frames. *grins* I'll be moving my stereo from the Intrepid to the Impala, so I can plug in my iPod, and I need new floor mats (seriously looking at these).

It's going to be interesting to be a little anonymous with my ride for a while, until people start to associate my vanity plates with the new car. I will no longer be the one with the purple car! (and most recently, the purple car with black primer paint :P ) Soon enough, though, people will start recognizing Paula. :) mk

p.s. Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit. I can't use the license plate frames. State law says:

False identification. A person commits a Class E crime if that person obscures identification number, identification letters, the state name, validation sticker or mark distinguishing the type of plate attached to a vehicle.

Well. I'll just have to find something else awesome. :)

Venn Diagram: Author vs English Teacher

2011-09-28T15:38:00.000-04:00

OK, Seriously?? You're Going With -THAT- As An Opener?

2011-09-23T06:28:00.004-04:00

Actual opening emails I have gotten from people on the dating website I'm on. Now mind you, this is first-contact, and these are the -entirety- of the email. (spelling/grammar/punctuation as it was in the email)

*if you look up the word gorgeous in the dictionary your pictue is there just sayin

*whats up sexy

*hey hey

*hi (I've gotten this one a whoooole bunch of times)

*Hi, Did you have a good summer?

and the winner so far of the "WTF, Dude, SERIOUSLY, You're Going With That?!" Award is:

*wouldd it be badd if i kiss you alll over nicee and slow then do you reallly goood all night long??you have the cutest cheeks on your face by the wayyo

I just have to shake my head. There is nothing else to do (oh, and blog and poke fun at them). mk

****

ok, the 'hey hey' guy liked his line so much that 12 hours later (after NOT receiving a response the first time)...he sent it again. oy.

Friendly Tips for Guys on Self-Promotion

2011-09-19T16:39:00.003-04:00

Ok, so my little town is not exactly a hotbed of dating, and I'm not the most socially forward person you could meet (I know, so surprising). So, occasionally I find myself perusing the dating websites.

My favorite so far has been PlentyOfFish. Mostly because it's completely free. :D It provides all the same benefits of match, but without the hit to your bank account. Now, being the introvert that I am, I like to talk to someone awhile online before I meet up, get to know them a little. When you're paying X amount of dollars to have a membership for a certain amount of time, there can be a little impatience with this idea. It ends up being a drive to 'get your money's worth' by going on as many dates as you can within the amount of time for which you've paid your membership fee.

Which is not to say that pof is not a meat market also. It is. It just has a more laid-back feel; a lazy meat market, maybe. (Wait. That doesn't sound appealing at all. Oh, you know what I mean)

Anyway. So today after several months (wait...seriously...wait...a year? where the hell did -that- time go?) I 'unhid' my profile at pof, updated the photos, and am already weeding through the hits.

As such, I have a few tips for the guys on how to tweak your profile so that it's a bit more appealing.

* SPELL CHECK. Seriously. Take a little time to go over your writing, check for errors, both spelling and grammatical. Know the difference between you're and your. Use a capital on 'I.' Punctuation can be your friend. Take some TIME to show that you care about this profile, it is your first impression and if you can't be bothered to at least make it correct, guess who's moving on?

* PHOTOS. Please, PLEASE do not include any pictures of you with another woman in the shot. I mean, seriously. Even if it's the most amazing picture ever taken of you, if you can't crop the other woman out, don't use it. Speaking of cropping, I don't mean cutting out half of her face but leaving the other portion of her cheek resting on your shoulder and her arm across your chest. (seriously, someone just sent me an email and their profile picture had exactly that. Their MAIN PICTURE.) Also, I don't care if it's just your cousin or your best friend's girlfriend or a celebrity or what. My first image of you is with another woman wrapped all over you. Give up now.

* MORE ON PHOTOS. Be aware of your background. I do not want to see: a stained shower; a pile of dirty dishes; the 1000 trophies you got when you were in high school 25 years ago; cars up on blocks; a pile of various trash behind your house that needs to be hauled away; a dog doing...what -is- that dog doing?; the fact that you apparently have not decorated your apartment/house AT ALL because is that drywall?. Believe me, you are telling me WAY more about yourself than you want to. And yes, again, I have gotten hits from guys who actually have these in their profile pictures. Photos should be cropped, guys, seriously. And if you are capable of holding the camera away from you and taking a picture, then that means you are capable of moving yourself to a place where there is a neutral background. If you are only capable of taking pictures of yourself in a mirror where the background is all trashed, then have a friend take it. Or become friends with the self-timer on your camera and MOVE LOCATION.

* EVEN MORE ON PHOTOS. I know we can have several different photos on our profile to give people a little bit of variety. There's the key: variety. This does not mean I want to see exactly the same expression from exactly the same angle, with maybe a different shirt on. (Seriously. One guy had eight photos that were all the same, except for the shirt. Dude.) Oh, and have -at least- one picture on your profile where you are NOT wearing sunglasses. I want to see eyes. If I see 154 pictures of you and in every one you have sunglasses on, I am going to wonder if you -have- eyes. And I may say something about it.

* The profile...say something. Really. We all -know- you are on the site to meet people. Don't bother to mention that. Don't say 'I can't believe I'm actually doing something as stupid as joining a dating site'...because, hello, so am I and did you just call me stupid? Talk about what you like. Talk about what you want. Make a joke. Say. SOMETHING. Not just "here I am, let's get together and talk." Because then I am relying on the scant info of how tall you are, how much education you have had, whether or not you have or want kids, and the profile photos. (And don't even get me started on the guys who have that little to say on their profiles AND don't even have a photo)

* I know we live in Maine but seriously does every single guy in the state have to say they love the outdoors and then ONLY list outdoor activities that they enjoy? Doesn't anyone ever come inside for any reason?

* Yeah, another on photos: Dude. I do NOT want to see a picture of you lifting weights. I do not CARE if you can dead-lift a cow. And that is NOT a pleasant expression on your face while you are doing it. I also do not then need to see a dozen or so pictures of you with your shirt off assuming various poses to show off your muscles. I get it. You work out. Put your shirt back on.

(I know, that last statement is a bit odd..but really. Someone is so vain that all they want is for you to admire their enormous muscles? pfft. I am so not impressed.)

* Why are you having a picture on your profile of your motorcycle? Without you on it? Do I CARE to date your motorcycle? NO.

* If you have kids, wonderful. Please do not put pictures of yourself with them on your profile. That's creepy. And no, I do not want them going on our first date.

* If YOU are not in good shape, do not REQUIRE that your match be a Barbie doll. In fact, even if you ARE in good shape, don't outright state in your profile that you only want a thin girl. Even if you do. On second thought, yes, say it, because you are obviously a shallow asshole and I hope you hook up with someone who gains a thousand pounds on you.

I'm sure I'll come up with more rants as I go along; I usually do. But that's a good start. :P mk

***
Wow, I've already come up with one. When you find someone you like, and send that first message, give her something to work with. 'Hi' is not a good first email. 'Nice pics' is not a lot better and at MOST will get you a reply like, "Thanks." (this was actually an exchange I had today. *grin* I don't make it easy.)

Oh....and if there are awesome pics of you with adorable puppies....yes, that does work (awwwww). Until I look at your other profile pics and see the one where the puppy is all grown up and is standing next to six dead birds laid out on the tailgate of your truck.

1st Days of School 2011

2011-09-03T12:11:00.006-04:00

Well, we've survived the first week of school. Kira loves middle school so far, which does not surprise me, as among other things she has Ro as her teacher. :D Mark likes almost all of his classes, but has decided he wants to drop Spanish 3...I hope he is able to replace it with a 'fluff course' to try to bolster his GPA, along with giving himself a sort of mental-vacation class, where he can just enjoy himself.

Pictures from the first days. (Kira started on Monday, Mark on Tuesday) mk

Pretty girl

Even better when she smiles

Lighting is weird..the shirt is lavender and grey :P

Mark, look up...

Mark, trying to take your picture, here...

Mark!

You can smile, you know. Oh. Um...

There we go!

Rollback Prices?

2011-09-03T11:39:00.001-04:00

Mark took this at our local WalMart when we were school shopping. :P mk

My Favorite Quote Today

2011-08-02T09:36:00.001-04:00

From Stephen King's Full Dark, No Stars:

"When it came to the dark fuckery of the human heart, there seemed to be no limit."

Baby Chucky

2011-07-07T09:15:00.004-04:00

OK, in yet another example of how twisted the senses of humor are in our family...

Went to my parents' house to visit a few weeks ago, and sitting on the recliner was this lit

tle baby doll. The thing had white hair and a sewn-on face, but I swear, it looked like a baby Chucky. My parents had bought it at a yard sale thinking the same thing and hoping to freak me out (can you feel the love, people?). Well, Chucky doesn't freak me out (not to say I want to cuddle him tight while I sleep, mind you), but dolls -do- freak Mark out. bwahahahahahaha (can you see where this is headed?)

SO. I brought the doll home, originally intending to dye its hair red and make him a little pair of overalls. Well, as it turned out, I didn't get to that. Further, turns out I didn't need to. :D

One night Mark and I were sitting up late talking and I remembered Baby Chucky, who was still in a bag in the car. I went out to get him, brought him back behind my back, and had Mark close his eyes. Then when he opened his eyes, Baby Chucky was about a foot from his face.

He was all "UGH!" and freaked out a bit. He grabbed the doll and chucked it (lol) across the room. I went over and got it and scolded him that he couldn't be mean to the doll like that. *grin* A little while later we were ready to shut the house down and go to bed, and Mark looked at the doll, grabbed it and threw it behind the couch, thought about it a second, got it back out, and brought it in the dining room. We had a chest cooler in there from a trip to the park earlier, and he opened the cooler, put Baby Chucky in, closed the cooler. Then he thought about it, and took the -vacuum cleaner- and put it on top of the cooler. Only then did he feel comfortable going to bed. I was laughing my ass off. :)

Next morning, Kira wanted to know why the vacuum cleaner was on top of the cooler so I briefly explained. Then I had to go to an appointment, so I left. Mark was still sleeping.

Well.

I came back to find out that Kira had gotten a little creative. While Mark was sleeping, she took Baby Chucky into his room.

She pinned the doll to fishing line that was duct-taped to the ceiling, and as you can see she gave him a weapon...duct-taped a screwdriver into his hands.

She put this on the announcement board downstairs:

And then just for a little something extra, when he came downstairs, she was back-to, but when she turned around, he saw this:

(he's also freaked out by clowns)

In retaliation, he put Baby Chucky under her bed pillows that night. Which apparently did not freak her out, but she put him in -his- room under the covers.

And Baby Chucky has not been seen since. mk

Knit One, Perl...no, pretty much just knit one

2011-07-03T11:37:00.002-04:00

While the kids were gone on their vacation to Disney with their father, I was able to take advantage of some free time to join Brenda on a multi-day sail. Boarded on Monday morning (the rest of the passengers spent Sunday night on board while the boat was docked), got home Thursday.

This was one of Brenda's Knitting Cruises, which I had never been on and had never been of particular interest, as I didn't knit. (Not the sailing part. ALWAYS love the sailing part)

Well. Guess what I learned how to do!

Yep. Knit. I know how to cast on two different ways (my preferred method is to knit-cast on) and I can knit. I haven't learned how to perl, but as it's apparently just the reverse of knit, I think I'll pick it up fairly quickly. Eventually. Brenda taught me how to bind off, which I'll need a refresher course on when I finish one of the projects I'm working on.

Yes. I said 'one of.' You know me, people, I don't do things half-way. I have two different projects I'm working on at the moment. One is one I started on board. Knitters are very generous people who love to see new people catch the fever, so I was gifted with two skeins of yarn, one silver grey and another eggplant purple, as well as a pair of wooden size 10 needles. That's in addition to the ball of yarn I received as a "porthole prize" and which I used to learn. It was a very thin cotton, which apparently is rather a tricky yarn to begin on, and is not forgiving of mistakes, so the little piece I knitted shows where I dropped stitches, etc. But hey, it's the first thing I did, so I like it.

I started using the grey to maybe make a scarf, then I woke up the next morning wondering what would happen if I used both yarns at the same time. Asked one of the knitters, Hope (who also taught me how to knit, along with Ann, who gave me tips later), and she grinned and said I was definitely a knitter when I start wondering things like that, and that of course I could use two yarns, it would make a marled effect. So I pulled apart the silver and re-started with the silver and eggplant together. It's gorgeous. I'm thinking now that instead of a scarf it's going to be a Kindle carrier. We'll see.

Of course, as soon as I got on land, I had to get some of my own gear. And naturally, I can't just go get -one- set of needles and a skein of yarn. So now I have...ahem...eighteen skeins. And like six pairs of needles in different sizes, including one pair of rounds. Plus some accessories.

And I know I won't stop there. For example, I already know I need a different set of rounds. I have 10/29, and I need 10/16 to make a hat. There's apparently some technique called "Magic Loop" that would mean I could just use the 29's, but...ok, stop me now.

The second project is using one of the skeins I picked up after the sail. It's a fuzzy yarn in white, blue, and bright green. Planning to have it as a scarf for Kira.

I really want to start a hat, but I'm forcing myself to finish at least one of these projects before I start. :D

I think I hear my yarn calling to me right now....mk

File Under: Weird Things That Work

2011-06-24T15:49:00.003-04:00

A loosely crumpled ball of aluminum foil can be used (repeatedly) in the dryer in place of a dryer sheet in keeping clothes from getting staticky.

I have just tried this. It works. Even on flannel pajamas and socks. Bizarre. mk

Toilet Paper Ghost

2011-06-12T20:50:00.003-04:00

So. My kids are at their dad's for the weekend, I'm the only one in the house, and I considered watching a couple of scary movies this afternoon.

I am so glad I did not.

Just a little while ago, I went upstairs to the bathroom. Got in there, closed the door, turned towards the toilet.

The toilet paper was gone.

Not just used up. GONE. The entire roll was missing. Now, I have a toilet paper holder that looks something like this, so occasionally one of the kids knocks it off and it's on the floor. Doesn't usually happen to me, and I'd been in the bathroom oh, several times today, and didn't remember knocking it off, but hey, it happens.

It wasn't on the floor.

I looked all over the bathroom floor (my bathroom is about 6' x 5' maybe, including the shower). Twice. Looked in the cabinet under the sink. Looked in the trash, which Kira recently moved to the cabinet under the sink. Looked in the shower stall (don't ask me why). Nowhere. Finally I got another roll and put it on the holder and took care of business.

After, I looked all around the bathroom AGAIN. Still nothing. Not even an empty roll in the trash. Just..gone.

I open the bathroom door to go back downstairs, and just outside the door, where I would have walked past it on my way in, was the toilet paper roll. Standing upright.

In an extremely unlikely scenario, it could have fallen off the holder and maybe somehow rolled away. But there is no way I can think of that the thing would have rolled away from the holder, around the corner through the doorway into the hall, backwards to be just out of the way of the door, and then turned itself upright. And then have me not see the WHITE roll in the hallway right next to the window.

Freakiness. Now I've got all the lights on in the hallway upstairs, and my bedroom, and the bathroom. And I am damning my overactive imagination and the movies Paranormal Activity and Paranormal Activity 2.

Gahhhh. mk

Fun at the Dentist

2011-06-04T10:57:00.002-04:00

Kira had to have a lower labial frenectomy on Thursday. Pull out your bottom lip and look in a mirror...see the little piece of skin connecting your lip to your gums? That's the frenum. Hers was too high up, which meant that as she got older it would pull harder on her gumline, pulling it down, possibly leading to bone loss and other nasty things. So our dentist, Dr. Randy, who totally ROCKS, said she should get this, which basically was just clipping the frenum. Quick and easy, three or four snips and one stitch, that's it.

Kira was really nervous about the procedure (her actual verbal reaction as we were going out to the car after the cleaning last week, knowing she needed this? "I'm gonna DIE!"). Nothing I said could calm her down about it. She didn't go into hysterics at any point, but she was NOT looking forward to it.

I picked her up at school just before lunchtime to take her to see Dr. Randy. I had Brenda's gorgeous new baby boy Kai (oh yes, I haven't told you about him! another time. but he's 3 months old and I am Auntie) with me for the day, so the three of us went in together. Dr. Randy was really great, as he always is, and the procedure went really smoothly and quickly (although when he was getting ready to put the needle in for the Novocain, even though she was already numb from the topical, she shot her hand out for me to hold and almost crushed my fingers...damn she's getting strong). When it was over, she was poking at her lip, which she couldn't feel, and said, "This is the weirdest I have ever felt." She didn't like it at all. Dr. Randy told her never to get drunk, because if she didn't like this, she -really- wouldn't like the loss of control from drinking. I liked that. Yay Dr. Randy!

So, we went out, she a bit woozy, I paid for the part of the procedure insurance probably won't cover, and she headed through the door to the waiting room. She was on the other side of the door and I could see from the glass that she was starting to tip. I wanted to get to her, but the door opened outward, so if I had opened it, I would have knocked her over. VERY FORTUNATELY, there was a paramedic in the waiting room (scheduled for a cleaning) and she got to Kira before she could actually fall, and lowered her to the ground. (Leah, you rock!)

I bolted through the door with Kai in his car seat/carrier, put him down, one of the staff immediately said, "I've got the baby" and I was on the ground with Kira. She was really out of it, although I think she only lost consciousness for a second or two. We did all the right things, with the cold cloth and making her lie down for awhile and then sit up slowly, etc. The staff was really awesome during that, and Dr. Randy came back out, too, and said she was in shock from the adrenaline dump (which we had actually talked about while Kira was in the dentist's chair, that she was going to feel a bit weird from the dump after being scared for so long--we had no idea -how- weird she was gonna feel). Eventually we got her up and back into the room and on the dentist's chair again, someone carried Kai in, someone else brought more cloths, oh, we had gotten a small bottle of water at some point and a little rubber cup in case she needed to vomit or spit (she did spit a couple of times, but no vomiting, thankfully). Dr. Randy poked his head around the wall from the next room and asked how much she had eaten that day. I said not much, I had gotten her from school before lunch, and he said, "Give her a muffin" and zipped back behind the wall. So someone brought a little mini muffin and a tiny cinnamon roll, and Kira picked at it very very little. She couldn't have any juice, because she wasn't supposed to have anything acidic or salty for a couple of days after the procedure.

At one point Kira said she wanted to go home, and stood up, then said, "I think I need to lie down" and got back on the chair. Eventually she felt well enough to get up and walk out to the car with no assistance, I thanked the staff profusely, and I took my little girl home and got her on the couch.

Awesomely, the receptionist, Kim, who had been the most helpful, called us later after her lunch hour to check on Kira. She had been worrying about her. I thought that was the sweetest thing.

Kira's all better, was doing pretty well after about an hour, and is feeling great now. She says her lip still feels a little odd, but it doesn't really hurt. (yay!)

Between starting her period on Sunday and passing out at the dentist on Thursday, this has -not- been Kira's best week. :P mk

What I've Been Reading

2011-06-04T10:00:00.002-04:00

I picked up a bunch of books at Goodwill about a week or so ago, and here are three of the books I've read from that bunch:

American Wife: A Novel, by Curtis Sittenfeld

The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold

Trans-Sister Radio, by Chris Bohjalian

I very much enjoyed each of these books, which all covered very different topics. The first, American Wife, is a novel very loosely based on the life of a First Lady (Laura Bush, to be exact), almost entirely before her husband's time in office at the White House. I found it interesting, although I never really connected with her character, and in fact often found myself frustrated with her and even actively thinking she was mealy-mouthed or an idiot. Still, I liked it enough that I would recommend it as a fairly good read.

The second, The Lovely Bones, has been made into a movie, as I'm sure you all know. I previously had no interest in seeing the movie or reading the book, because I found the premise a bit stupid, really....a girl is murdered and then narrates the entire book from her heaven as she looks down and watches the people in her life adjust in their various ways to her death. I picked the book up as a sort of "oh, might as well" kind of thing, but really found it an intriguing read. The unique perspective of the narrator allowed her to not only watch but also to know what the various characters are thinking and feeling. It was a bit disturbing to read, because I have an enormous fear of one of my children pre-deceasing me, and this book triggered that quite a bit. I was frustrated with both of the parents for different reasons, based on their reactions and how they coped, but I could also identify with bits from the father. (the mother, yeah, no) Having my sister die before me is an eventuality I have been prepared for most of my life, because of the nature of her illnesses, although her being murdered has never figured into any of the preparative scenarios. Further, I had a cousin who was murdered while I was in high school, so the girl's friends who cope in various ways was also something I could relate to. Not one of the characters was someone I could totally identify with, but I could understand their motivations. Overall, I'm glad I read the book, but I was also glad to put it aside, because it made me uncomfortably aware of the random nature of events, and that at any time we could lose someone we love, and I just don't handle that idea well.

The third book was my favorite. Trans-Sister Radio deals with a couple who fall in love, only to then have to deal with the enormous complications and adjustments that go along with one of them having male-to-female (M2F) sex reassignment surgery. Allison and Dana had already fallen in love when Dana reveals that (s)he is in the process of changing genders. There is a great deal of introspection needed on Allison's part when she needs to work out whether she is in love with Dana the man or Dana the person, and whether she as a previously staunch heterosexual is capable of pursuing a lesbian relationship to stay together. In addition, there are the reactions of Carly, Allison's daughter, who is just entering college, and Will, Allison's ex-husband, who has remained close friends. There is also an enormous amount of mixed, mostly negative, reaction from the community at large, and the issue comes up as to whether Allison's personal life should be a factor in whether she is allowed to keep her job as an elementary school teacher.

Altogether, it is a very thought-provoking book. We are driven to look at the separate issues of gender and sexuality, our own flexibility or rigidness in reaction to the issues, our acceptance (or not) of a very controversial form of diversity. Questions constantly arise: how would you react if someone you started a relationship with, told you that he was really a lesbian woman trapped in a man's body and was going to get that changed? Would you be able to continue a relationship? Would you be able to adjust your previously unquestioned sexual preferences to continue the relationship? What do you feel about the process itself, independent of being in a relationship? Do you think that the procedure is immoral? Do you find it a perversion? Do you think being in a relationship with someone who is transgendered is perverted or immoral? Do you think that teachers should be held to a higher standard of morality than anyone else, because of their potential influence on our children? Do you think we have the right to dictate how a person conducts their personal life because of their chosen profession? Could you find yourself attracted to a person if you found out that they had once been the opposite gender? Is gender identity disorder biologically based or psychological? And on and on.

I consider myself a person who is very accepting of diversity, but I admit that this issue is a challenge for me. I finished the book this morning, but I know that I will be thinking a long time about it, seeing where this topic fits in my spectrum. Some of the above questions I have quick and firm answers to. Others, I think I will have to really turn over in my mind for a long time, and still might find myself unable to decide.

I -highly- recommend this book to anyone and everyone. I think it would be a FABULOUS book-club discussion. I wish I was in a book club just so I -could- discuss this book. :)

The author of this book, Chris Bohjalian, wrote the book Midwives, which I also enjoyed very much and recommend.

Any of you who have read any of these books, I would love to hear your take on them. mk

If They Could Just Stay Little....

2011-06-02T10:58:00.002-04:00

On Sunday, May 29, 2011, Kira started her first period.

My little girl!!!!! *sniff*

mk

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.*

2011-05-17T16:55:00.003-04:00

*Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

Ok. Quick (or, knowing me, not so quick) summation of the last six months.

No more boyfriend. Big surprise there.

Surgery in December to fix the whole bleeding thing. Am now officially unable to have any more children, as my uterus has become a hostile environment. That happens when they scorch out your uterine lining. Am still having difficulty adjusting to the fact that I definitely can no longer bear children. Particularly lately.

Am in the process of having Mark looked at for the possibility of ADHD/inattentive. Testing on June 1.

Kira is attending her first school dance on Friday. It's sort of a step-up dance, where the fifth graders are included with the middle-school kids (grades 6-8). I am chaperoning. She is unimpressed. She is also hoping a certain boy in her class goes to the dance.

I am currently working to recover from another breakdown. This past weekend. This is one of the things I am trying, blogging, to see if it helps. Especially since I am really working to keep my general writing 'voice' and not give in to the desire to just repeat endlessly, 'this sucks. I suck. everything sucks.' I have the kids staying with x an extra two days to give myself time to bury it over enough that I will be back to what passes for almost normal for me. Fingers crossed.

Is there more? There should be more. Well, there -is- more, but a lot of it are topics I just flat-out don't discuss in this blog. And some of it I can't talk about because it is still too painful. Very likely never will, either, because it's sort of mixed in with the stuff I never talk about. sigh. mk

Catharsis

2011-05-17T16:35:00.002-04:00

Why the hell have I ignored this blog for so long? I'm a good writer (modest, too, huh), and it's always so beneficial to me to pour this crap out on the page rather than bottle it up, but somehow I always manage to forget that and wrap myself all up in my head instead. Fabulous. Very healthy.

By now I'm sure the what, three or four people who ever faithfully read this blog have long abandoned it, so I am most likely talking to myself, which, really, is mostly the purpose anyway (as much as I love you guys).

Right now is a particularly good time for me to reconnect with my blog. I'm in rather desperate need of a bit of pouring-out.

As usual when I've been away for months, it's likely that I'll be particularly prolific for a few days with various postings. Maybe I'll even level out and then just post on a regular (daily?) basis, but you know me, I'm not especially skilled in moderation. We'll see. mk

Halloween 2010

2010-11-04T10:13:00.004-04:00

OK, you guys know I like things a bit on the dark and scary side. You KNOW I love Halloween. My daughter has been, in recent years, a Goth Fairy and a Dead Prom Queen. Mark has borrowed my Dead Pirate costume. Brenda and I have twice run a Haunted Pirate Ship at her house. I dress Goth for Halloween. I love love love this stuff.

So I had to get myself in an entirely different frame of mind when Kira excitedly told me her final decision for a costume this year.

She wanted to be an ice cream sundae.

I had to think sweetness and light. I had to think soft and puffy. People, I had to think PASTEL.

Well, I was able to get in the right mode. Spent entirely too much time figuring out how to make the costume (bowl and spoon were paper mache over chicken wire, scoop was pink flannel, sewn to a shirt that I cut open, stuffed, that went over her head and tied on the sides (after it was all done I figured out a much easier way I could have made that, but oh well). Chocolate sauce was dark brown satin. Felt sprinkles glued on. Cherry on top was the easiest, a styrofoam ball that I sculpted a little, painted, wired onto a headband and pushed a pipe-cleaner stem into. A bit of (pastel, dammit) makeup and a couple of side ponytails and she was adorable!

Won for the Most Creative Costume for grades 3-5 at the Halloween Carnival. Many, *many* compliments. Her friends kept poking and hugging her because she was so squishy soft. She giggled a lot. It was all good.

Yesterday she announced what she wants to be next year. I held my breath while she threw her hands out wide over her head and proudly exclaimed....

"A dead CHEERLEADER!"

Yesssssssssss. mk

Morning View: World on Fire

2010-09-23T12:33:00.004-04:00

Incredibly, Insanely Bored

2010-09-11T22:03:00.004-04:00

And so I am blogging.

It is just after 10pm and I just realized that the only thing I have had to eat today was some Cheez-Its. So I found the need to go out in the kitchen and look at the Cheez-Its. Which were just about gone, even though Mark just opened the box today. And so I put the rest of them in a bowl because I was pretty much like "what the hell" and then to wash them down I got the Mike's Classic Margarita (raspberry) that didn't fit in the six-pack holder when I combined the partially empty lime and raspberry six-packs earlier today, and so it was sitting alone by itself on a shelf. Now I feel better that I do not have leftover Mike's Margaritas just floating around the fridge but a little odd because there is now just one lone raspberry surrounded by five limes and so I might have to drink that one, too.

And people? I had not even OPENED the drink when all that went through my head. That's just my normal brain-talk.

So, my boyfriend (yes, I am referring to him as my boyfriend now) just texted me with "what r u doing" and I answered "blogging" and he said "about what" and I said "right now, cheez-its and margaritas. this is one of my dump-out-whatever-crosses-your-brain posts." My god, I think he is gonna meet the crazy. Wow.

When we first got together he told me he intended to make me fall in love with him. (freakout alert!!!!) So like yesterday or something when he asked me what I was doing I said I was wondering if he had fallen in love with me yet. It took him an HOUR to respond & what he said was "that's a scary word." hahahahahaha EXACTLY. So I reminded him what he had said to me and he said it was very sneaky of me to get him like that. Well played, markira, said I to myself. :) So I am less nervous now about the whole thing, oddly enough.

He was supposed to come up tonight but his son has his first soccer game of the season tomorrow at 8am (WTF, who schedules a soccer game at 8am on a Sunday????), so naturally he can't make it. Which kinda sucks, but is also a little okay because I've been running around all week and now I'm just vegging, which is kinda nice.

Damn. I have two Cheez-Its left. I suppose I may have to eat something that has nutritional value. 'Cause I can't drink without food without feeling sick and I am now in the mood to consume some alcohol. And plus I can't leave that lonely little raspberry Mike's Margarita in the fridge. It's probably feeling really awkward surrounded by all the lime guys.

OK, I think I'm gonna at least change into pjs. Don't go anywhere.

I'm back. Thanks for waiting. :)

OH. I dreamed last night that Kira started her period. So now I'm all paranoid that I was having some sort of precognitive dream or something, so I wanted to make sure I put this down BEFOREHAND because you know how many times you get the deja-vu thing and think you probably dreamed of it or something and people are all "uh huh, sure." So now this is DOCUMENTED. Because of course I have NO idea how to go back and edit the post dates or put in additional stuff later in a post. Of course not. Right.

OR, my body could have totally been faking me out just before it sprung another one of these ill-timed off-cycle bleeding sessions that just showed up. I am SO ready for those to stop. Man, I'm almost hoping for a freaking cyst or fibroid or something that they can FIX so this will cut it out (sorry, Paul, I know I should have given you a heads-up before those last two paragraphs, but even if I had, I know you would have read them anyway, so I didn't).

I'm going sailing in a little less than two weeks!! Brenda invited me on the Captain's Birthday cruise, which I am really psyched for. I've never been on the schooner in September, I think it's gonna totally rock, and plus I'll be with one of my favorite people in the whole world (awwwww).

I think I'll go get that other drink now.

Does anyone else have a problem when they have an odd number of drinks left in the six-pack? Cause now I have five drinks in there, and it is bothering me. I may have to fix that. After this one.

And yeah, didn't end up with anything even vaguely healthy to eat with. Instead, I looked at my counter and saw the mostly-empty bag of Popcorn Indiana Kettlecorn ****

****OK, why the FUCK does "paste" not show up as an option when I copy links anymore?? This has happened the last few times I've tried it (not just here on the blog, either) and it is REALLY STARTING TO IRRITATE ME.

Anyway. Popcorn. That stuff is awesome. It rocks. I'd put a link but it's more work than just telling you to Google it.

So anyway. I put the rest of it in a bowl. It's slightly stale, because I ate most of the bag and then hit my "I won't eat anymore because then it will be gone" stage and started hoarding it. Which, yeah, is bizarre, but I do it a lot and that is why there are fifteen partially-eaten bags of potato chips on top of my fridge.

OK, I'm getting a little paranoid 'cause my boyfriend has not texted back since I told him about the blogging (but have not given him the blog name) and so I checked my sitemeter to see if maybe he had found it somehow. Apparently he hasn't, but I *did* find out that my average hits have gone up to 19 a day, with 12 today! Now, I know that's not a big deal or anything, but considering this is the AVERAGE and I go MONTHS at a time without writing, I think that's still pretty good. You know. For me. It's not Bloggess-league, but I'll take it. Especially since I'm not really writing this stuff for anyone but me (I love you guys who are reading this, but sorry, you're all just a bonus).

I'd be in bed right now but I had some caffeine cause I thought I was gonna hang out with a friend tonight and then she bailed and so now I'm all wired up for nothing. Lucky you, guys.

OK, I'm even boring myself now, so I think I'm gonna wrap it up. And I don't want to finish this drink OR this popcorn (no, I have no idea what is wrong with me), so I think I'm gonna go put away and go to bed, even though I'm not tired. Maybe I'll fall asleep anyway.

Lately when I've been falling asleep, it has been FAST asleep. Like, not waking up when the phone rings right next to me, kind of sleep. That has never happened in my entire life, I have always been a very light sleeper. I think it's awesome and I totally thank the drugs for the Periodic Limb Movement Disorder. Although I'm still tired during the day. But that may be a combination of other factors, like the depression, the Vit D deficiency, my general biochemical makeup, etc etc.

So. Everyone have a good night, talk to you all later, yeah? mk

*****
oh, and yeah, on the Kira/period thing? I am soooo expecting that to happen literally any day now. To the point that the poor girl can't say she has a stomach ache or cramp (from sports) without my first thought being "PERIOD!!" She has gotten to the point that she sees my face and before I even open my mouth she says, "No. I checked." None of the other girls in her class have started (that I am aware of), but Kira appears to be a bit more, um, physically ready than they are. (yes, I mean the bra thing. shut up.)

OK. I neeeeeed to go to bed and shut the hell up. good night. If you see me approaching the keyboard again tonight, throw yourself in front of me. :P
******
Which would be a damn good trick, really, considering you can't actually SEE me....can you? Crap, now I'm gonna dream about the CIA or ninjas or something. mk

Steaming Students

2010-09-02T09:35:00.002-04:00

Several schools in my area released their students at the half-day because of "extreme heat conditions and poor air quality." Some local schools are closed today as well, and I believe it is likely the rest will close early again today, as the weather conditions are supposed to be about the same.

Maine as a state is generally unprepared for excessive heat. Most of the schools don't have air conditioning. Many of the buildings are made of dark brick with lots of large windows. A lot of classrooms don't even have fans to circulate air. When the outside temperatures are in the mid-to-high 90s, with body heat the temperature inside the classrooms can be over 100 degrees.

The National Weather Service has issued a heat advisory and an air quality alert. The heat index values are expected to be about 100 degrees. Outside. They specifically mention that "the high heat and humidity combined with the long duration of the current heat wave will make conditions uncomfortable and potentially dangerous especially in hot buildings without air conditioning or proper ventilation."

This is the first time that I know of that schools in Maine have closed due to heat. There has been a huge uproar in the community (mostly, I believe, from people who do not have children) about the superintendents' decisions to close the schools. There has been an awful lot of "we never did that when *I* was a kid, and it was plenty hot some days, let me tell you." These people probably also declare that they walked five miles every day to school, in a blizzard, uphill. Both ways. And liked it.

The fact is, when we were growing up, schools in Maine did not start until after Labor Day. Check the weather: next Tuesday it's supposed to be in the high 60s. The average high temperature for that day is about 71, with the record high being 83 back in 1983. Yesterday's previous record high was the same, but back in 1995. Yesterday's high temperature *shattered* the previous high record by about 15 degrees.

And we are putting students in the buildings, in school-approved attire that includes no spaghetti tanks, halter tops or back-baring tops, skirts or shorts reaching at least fingertip length. And we are making them sit still for up to 80 minutes at a time. With no air conditioning and little air circulation. Without enough hydration, even if they have water bottles with them, which many did not. And expecting them to pay attention and learn.

So yeah, I completely support the schools for sending people home. I hope they do it again today.

I guess in the future we'll have to include "severe weather days" instead of "snow days" in our projection for the length of the school day. :) mk

p.s. For those who deal with these high temperatures all the time (I'm looking at you, Florida) and laugh at the reaction Maine is having, I challenge you to have your kids attend school in 0 degree temperatures (or lower), when you've received a foot or so of snow the previous day. Laugh then.

Bucking Tradition

2010-08-31T12:54:00.003-04:00

I did NOT take my kids school-clothes shopping this year.

That's right. I didn't do it. Did not pack us all off to the nearest mall and spend enormous amounts of money so that they would have just the "right" outfit for the first days of school and would be all up-to-the-minute on the current fashion trends.

I did buy new sneakers. Mark's were holding together by sheer willpower, and Kira had outgrown hers. For the rest: each of those kids has more clothes than anyone I know. And neither one of them takes care of them. I have grown beyond tired and frustrated and furious at seeing clean clothes thrown all over their rooms (and the hallway...and the closet), dirty clothes mixed in with clean clothes, clean clothes rewashed because they figured it was easier to just throw it all in the laundry than actually put things in drawers.

It's not like I ask a lot of them. First off, both of them are perfectly capable of doing their own laundry if they so chose. I don't even demand that. I wash their clothes, fold them, separate them into categories (shirts, pants, socks, underwear, etc), and then just ask them to take their clothes up and put them away. Sometimes, if I'm feeling particularly like Becky Home-Ecky, I will bring their clothes up into their bedroom and lay them out on the bed in the categories. At that point all the kid has to do is pick up a pile, walk over to a bureau, open a drawer, and PUT THE CLOTHES IN.

Instead, I'll go in and find all the clothes heaped on the floor all together because they needed to get in the bed to go to sleep. So I told them, several weeks ago: I'm not buying any new clothes until you take care of your old clothes. This includes picking ALL of them up off the floor, sorting out clothes that you don't wear or don't fit, and putting the rest away. And until then, not an iota of unnecessary clothing.

Kira has had a particularly hard time comprehending this. She has had repeated meltdowns because I actually required her to not be a complete pig. She has ignored my repeated reminders that we weren't going school shopping until she had done the above.Then she decided she would GUILT me into buying her new clothes. I heard about the new clothes she got at her father's house. I heard about how she would be the only one without new clothes. I heard about how EVERYONE would make fun of her for having to wear old clothes. I heard about how she's had to wear the same clothes for the last two or three YEARS (ahem: bullshit. bull. fucking. shit.). I heard about how mean I was, how I didn't care about her, etc etc.

She wrote and mailed a letter to one of her best friends complaining about it. She even called my MOTHER (who agreed with me and told Kira so. Kira was not impressed that Gram was not on her side).

Unbelievable meltdown the last day I would have the kids before they went with their dad for the remainder of vacation (they would be with me Sunday night and Monday, so they went on Friday evening with X).

Now, I like buying clothes for the kids. I like having them be fashionable. I love seeing what Kira does with the combinations. Our family finances growing up didn't allow for fashion, and yes, I overcompensate for that.

But I also remember how much my sister and I appreciated new clothes, and how rare it was that we got them. We went on specific shopping trips to get clothes when we needed new ones. It wasn't a constant "oh, look at the cute thing I picked up for you today" event. (This is not to say that we were complete ragamuffins. But fashionable clothes was not a financial priority in the house.)

So, as hard as it was for ME to not take Kira out and get her an adorable little black sharkbite vest and some of the new superskinny jeans and a plaid skirt with a white button-down and tie and oh the most ADORABLE sweater-vest etc etc etc, I held strong.

And you know what? She didn't die. She actually took a look at the clothes she has, found a skirt she's had for a year (A YEAR) that she never once had worn to school, paired it with a v-neck t-shirt that looks like a billion other v-neck t-shirts, put on her new sneakers, looked adorable, and loved her outfit.

Now she's looking at what else she has that people haven't seen. Unsurprisingly, there's a lot. Especially considering that I have gotten her new things periodically in the spring and early summer. Brand stuff, even (Justice, her faaaaaaaavorite store, that is too pricey even on sale, but which you can often find at TJMaxx, and sometimes even on clearance there...guess where she got a cool burnout t-shirt and multicolored zipup this summer?)

Unsurprisingly, Mark didn't care that I wasn't taking him school shopping. He wore a white polo and jeans his first day (today). Of course, guys do have it easier than girls, but even still, he was perfectly aware that he has plenty of stuff that fits & looks good, and that's all he needed.

So, I'm continuing to hold out: no new clothes until the current ones are cared for properly. I'm kinda curious how long until Kira caves. She thinks she's more stubborn than I am.

Oh, so wrong. mk

I will never admit that you are right Mom, I had plenty to wear.

Look at these rags you force me to wear...I look hideous. Turn away your eyes!

Yeah, Mom, I'm rockin' the jean-and-polo thing.

Thank you, thank you, for not spending hundred$ you don't have so I could have clothes that look exactly the same as this. Just newer.

OB/GYN....Men, look away

2010-08-27T06:50:00.003-04:00

So I have an appointment this morning with the gynecologist. I've been referred by my primary care physician because they think I need to see a specialist and find out why my period has been so bizarre for, oh, almost TWO YEARS. I've had blood drawn for hormone level testing, and I'll find out those results today, too.

I know, I know...two years and I'm just *now* getting it taken care of? Well, yeah. I'm not really great about staying on top of my own personal health (see: how I managed to grow a ginormous tumor the size of a human head and not know). Also, I just kinda figured it maybe kinda had something to do with either approaching perimenopause or maybe because I had become sexually active (don't ask how I equated occasional sex with messing up my entire menstrual cycle, and no, I don't mean anything related to possible pregnancy), or maybe it was just a delayed reaction to the surgery to remove said ginormous tumor. You know, like seven or eight months delayed.

My PCP *did* arrange for a transvaginal ultrasound to check for cysts that may have formed on or around my one remaining ovary (and sadly, I had actually forgotten which one had been removed. I have since come up with a little mnemonic to remind me: my right is left). Nada. Which is good, but at least if they *had* found a cyst, I would have known what the damn problem was and they could take care of it. Unless they would have put me in surgical menopause, which would have TOTALLY sucked, so I suppose I'm happy they didn't find anything. Yeah. Happy.

Anyway. This is but one on a long list of bodily screw-ups that I am slowly but surely trying to get straightened out. Next on my list is a referral to an ortho to find out why the hell I have this gross-looking cyst popping out of my left foot on top of my bunion. (yes, I know it's a bursa...but WHY...and can they get rid of it)

Have also been dealing with my Vitamin D deficiency. (Did I tell y'all about that? no?) Well, several months ago my PCP had my Vit-D levels checked, and they were 28. Minimum guideline should be 50, and recent studies show that 80 is a way better indicator of true health. So dr. put me on a mega-dose of D once a week...50,000 IU (daily recommended is oh, around 200-400). After three months, I was re-tested. My levels went up to 37. So I'm still deficient. However, for some reason my doctor has taken me *off* the super-dose and is now recommending that I do a daily supplement of 2000 IU. I went with more recent studies' findings and have bumped that up to 4000 IU, plus am *trying* to get sunlight each day. Which is difficult for me, because it means leaving the safety of my home and going *outside*. Where there are *people*.

Which could segue into how I'm doing with various therapies, but I'm going to take pity on you people and end here. Also, I should probably go up and shower etc to get ready for my appointment. :) Check ya later, people! mk

So. Will keep posted if there are any significant results.

Super-couponing

2010-08-26T08:17:00.002-04:00

I'm developing a new hobby: super-couponing. I want to be one of those people who get $1000 worth of groceries for 47 cents or something crazy like that. A couple of my friends, Ginnie & Paula, have been doing it for awhile and they really get some amazing deals.

In the process, I've gotten rather obsessive about sending away for freebies. Through Facebook, I've signed up with four or five freebie sites that do all the hunting for you, and then provide links to these deals. So far I've gotten one-year subscriptions to Seventeen, Cosmo, Taste of Home, Everyday with Racheal Ray, Health, and one or two others I can't remember right now (I think Marie Claire might be one). I've received 3 Atkins bars, an EPA Estuaries poster (that Kira put up in her room), and I have a ton more things on the way, most of which I can't even remember. Health and beauty samples, pens, paper, a stadium cushion, foods...oh, who knows it all. Since I just started this a couple of weeks ago, it's just now that the fruits of my labor will start pouring in. It's fun to go to the mailbox. :)

And I've been collecting coupons, and learning how to really use them. For example, I have multiple copies of a $1 off coupon for Post-It Super Sticky notes. Which are on sale at WalMart for $1. That equals FREE. I currently have more pads of Post-Its than I think I will use in a year. And planning to get more.

It's really fun, it's entertaining me, and hey, saving some money, which is ALWAYS helpful. Even better, it's making me look seriously at each and every purchase I am making: can I get this cheaper? Should I wait on this until it goes on sale and combine it with this coupon? Is the store brand really cheaper, or do I save more money by getting the name brand and using a coupon?

I've spent so long on auto-pilot with so many of my shopping purchases. Get the store brand, stick with this kind of paper towel, buy things as you need them. I'm in the process of changing that thought process, of losing "brand loyalty," of understanding sale cycles and how to create stockpiles.

It's a bit harder to do the huge "save $100's" shopping that people with access to a larger variety of stores can do. For example, we don't have a nearby CVS, Walgreens, or Target. So I'll have to make do with what I can do with WalMart and the local grocery stores. And start shopping at Rite-Aid, which I have always avoided because their stuff is pricier. But apparently not with the various sales and coupon deals I'm learning about.

It's pretty interesting stuff. The kids say I need to get a hobby. I told them this *is* my new hobby.

Does anyone else do this stuff? Tell me some stories, people! mk

Danger: Man Cooking

2010-08-25T16:10:00.002-04:00

My boyfriend can't cook. I mean, the man cannot scramble eggs. I know: I've eaten his attempt.

Now, I'm not a fabulous cook myself, but I do a fairly decent job in the kitchen when I want to. The major exception is grilling. I am really not good at grilling. I probably could be a lot better if I tried, but a) I'm afraid of fire and b) yeah, that's about it. I am getting better, I burn the food less badly now, and occasionally even make the kids' steak they way they like it. Mostly. Kinda. Sometimes.

Anyway. He can't cook. He doesn't even try, really, just eats pre-packaged stuff. Now, since he lives in New Hampshire and I only see him once every two weeks for about 24 hours, this is not really a big problem for me.

But it made me start thinking about men and cooking in general. Men seem to fall into one of two categories: either they don't cook at all, or they are really good. I don't know any guys who say they're middle-of-the-road in the kitchen.

Mark took a cooking class a few years ago as part of an after-school program sponsored by a local community group. He loved it. Got his own personalized apron at the end of it and everything. Since then, he hasn't done a lot of major stuff in the kitchen, but he *has* been doing a bit of grilling this summer at camp, and he does a pretty decent job on the hot dogs and hamburgers that have been entrusted to him.

I keep thinking that I should get him more involved in cooking, perhaps have him responsible for a complete meal every once in awhile. Invariably, however, I come up with this idea just as we are entering the hell-schedule of school-and-soccer. Or school-and-basketball. Then, when we actually have *time* to do it, I completely forget.

He's a sophomore in high school. He's got a few years before he'll have his own place and be required to do his own cooking. I'd like him to be a good cook. He seems to enjoy it when he does it. If he's in the mood. If he's not, there is much whining about not waaaaaaaaanting to cook and does he haaaaaaaaave to. (yes. 15. the re-introduction of the whine)

So. Anyone out there know a man who likes to cook (or *is* a man who likes to cook)? When did you start dabbling? What is it that got you interested? Speak up, peeps. Thanks! mk

Timing Is Everything

2010-07-31T11:28:00.003-04:00

So, I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now (yes, the guy I mentioned in the last post). We text and/or talk every day, and he's coming for another visit this weekend.

This is the dilemma: how long do I wait before I reveal that I have mental health issues?

I mean, I have quite a long list of crap going on with me:

*borderline personality disorder
*depression
*anxiety disorder
*panic disorder
*agoraphobia
*sleep issues that I take meds for (periodic limb movement) (ok, that one is not technically mental health, but still, I mention sleep issues and people think it's in my head, even when I explain that it was observed in a sleep lab)

Considering how many people don't even understand that these are "real" illnesses, it can really freak a guy out. I don't want him looking at me like I'm unstable and ready to go psychotic any second. Neither do I think it's fair (for either of us) to date him for too long a while and then surprise him with all this stuff.

So when is the magic moment? When would YOU want to know that about someone you were dating? mk

p.s. One of the things that really concerns him is how tense I am...he is constantly trying to convince me to relax. And it bothered him that I didn't sleep the last time he was here. These may be factors leaning towards telling him sooner.

Not Like I Wait For The Last Minute Or Anything....

2010-07-17T06:13:00.002-04:00

Hello, my name is markira, and I am a Class A Procrastinator.

I have a guest coming tonight, staying over & spending the day tomorrow. I have known about this for two weeks. Here is today's to-do list, all to get done before 5 (and, by the way, does not count getting myself ready & pretty for him).

*clean out fridge
*empty garbage
*dishes
*FINISH laundry (about 3 more loads)
*clear dining room table
*clear bar
*clear hutch
*clear dining room floor
*put away skateboards & scooters from deck
*roll up & put away garden hose (currently snaked across pretty much the whole driveway)
*clear desk (a HUGE job in itself)
*clear floor in front of desk
*clear bottom of stairs
*water plants
*dust downstairs
*vacuum downstairs & stairs
*swiffer downstairs
*clean toilet
*clean sink & mirror
*change out towels
*clean bathroom floor
*change sheets in bedroom (he's sleeping in my room, I'm sleeping in Kira's)
*make bed
*put away clothes
*dust upstairs
*vacuum upstairs
*grocery shop
*borrow cooker from camp (for lobsters...yes, I am cooking lobster...for him)

I am an idiot. I will be a wreck before he gets here.

And yet, here I am online. Did I mention I am a Class A Procrastinator & an idiot???? :) mk

Windjamming with Kira

2010-07-13T06:17:00.004-04:00

Brenda called me the other day and asked if I would like to go on one of the overnight sails (silly woman, to even think I might *not* want to go). It was on Sunday afternoon to Monday morning. Mark is currently away in New York camping for two weeks with a buddy (same thing he did last year), so I made arrangements with X to shorten his weekend visit & took Kira.

Brenda had a really bad head cold, so it wasn't a very fun trip for her. I hope she feels better before she goes out tomorrow.It was raining lightly for most of the afternoon on Sunday, but it cleared up in time for a perfectly gorgeous sunset over Owls Head harbor, where we anchored for the night.

In the morning, we were treated to some really unusual mist patterns over the ocean. I'm glad I had my camera, I've never seen morning mist like that.

There was very little wind the entire trip, but it was still, as always, incredible to be out on the ocean. So grateful to Brenda for inviting us!!! mk

Young (Wo)man, There's a Place You Can Go....

2010-06-14T05:58:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I joined the Y. This was back in, what, April? I've been going 2-3 times every week since then. It's a pretty good part of my morning. I'm in my workout gear right now, as a matter of fact, headed there momentarily, but lemme tell you how this came about.

I had a couple of big roadblocks to joining the Y...one was that memberships are damn expensive. The other, bigger, one is my social phobia. I didn't want to be around people. Who would be looking at me. While I was all sweaty and gross in workout gear.

But it niggled. So I started looking into it, more as a way to shut my mind the hell up than anything else. And I found that they offered financial assistance. So I printed up an application. And let it sit there. For weeks.

Finally, a friend (yeah, ok, a guy...who unfortunately I'm not in contact with anymore) challenged me to get the application in. That day. So I did it. And it was as simple as walking in the front door and giving it to the receptionist.

And I got a notice that I would receive assistance that suddenly put the membership into manageable range. I only had to do a single, since X has a family membership and my kids are on that. So after I let that letter sit around for a couple more weeks, I sucked it up and went in and filled out the appropriate stuff and got my little beeper card (what I call the little thing you have to slide through the slot to release the turnstile).

And then I STILL didn't go.

So my "new" therapist (how long am I gonna call him that? Well, I'm from Maine. Unless you were actually born here, you're referred to as "from away" your entire life. Doesn't matter if you moved here three minutes after birth. We are resistant to change as a people.) came up with an interesting idea for me.

The reason I wasn't going to the Y was fear. (yes, this is not news. stay with me) Fear was motivating me to stay away. What we needed to do was find a BIGGER fear of NOT going. And, as my health and wellness as a whole is not a big motivator for me, threat of worsening health wasn't going to do it. Not to mention it's not a definite, immediate, cause-and-effect thing (I did not go to the Y on Monday, and Tuesday my leg fell off).

SO. We came up with a plan.

First we made up a workout plan. How many days a week, how long would I stay, what would I do, etc. Then we came up with the motivator.

I would go to the Y three days a week, for at least an hour each time (an hour of working out, not just an hour of being in the building). I had six weeks. In those six weeks, I had to stick to that schedule for four consecutive weeks. (not a lot of wiggle room for slacking, hey?)

IF, at the end of the six weeks, I had NOT met that goal, my therapist would then take the check I had written out in an amount of money I REALLY could not afford, that I had already given to him, and he would mail that check.

To my ex.

Yeah. So if I didn't go work out, I would be giving my ex money. A lot of money.

Let me tell you: BIG MOTIVATOR.

I made that goal in five weeks.

I had to tell at least one other person about this contract so I would have a cheerleader besides John (my therapist...yes, I find it necessary to keep identifying him). I told Brenda, and then I also clued in a couple of other people. I ALSO came up with a little acronym that I put at the end of every email to Brenda, and usually at the end of a Facebook status update if it said I was going to the Y. It was NMFS.

No Money For (ex's name)!

It didn't take long for me to get a little addicted to these workouts. I feel REALLY great after I'm done with them. And people don't stare. They've got their own sweaty selves to tend to. I do 30-40 minutes on the various weight machines, and 30-40 minutes walking the track. I'm measurably stronger than I was at the beginning, and although I haven't lost any weight per se, my clothes fit better.

So. John did a good thing. Apparently there were some questions from his coworkers whether he should have done something so extreme, but hell, I agreed to it, thought it was a really good way to get me off my ass and in the door. Then they were questioning whether he really would have mailed the check. My mom asked me the same thing: "He wouldn't really *mail* it, though, right?"

Um, it defeats the WHOLE PURPOSE of the thing if he wouldn't have mailed the check, people!
What fear is there of him holding a check if he's just going to give it back to me and say, "just kidding!"

Fear as motivator. It worked. Worked great. So now when I see something I'm scared to do, I've started thinking: is there something bigger I'm scared of if I *don't* do this? And if there isn't, can I create one?

Anyway, I'm off to my workout. Have a great morning!! mk

Sleep Results

2010-04-17T07:14:00.002-04:00

Sorry, Paul, no pic of me with a cpap mask on...I don't have sleep apnea! Apparently I don't have hypopnea either, despite what the tech said. What I *do* have is periodic leg movement disorder. My legs twitched or moved about 23 times an hour, resulting in 20 or so arousals, or movements from one stage of sleep to a lighter stage. Which, of course, sums up to I sleep like crap. It's kind of hard to get deep, restful sleep when your sleep stage is interrupted every three minutes or so.

Anyway. So now we are in the "try to fix it" part of the process. The first thing we're doing is having me take clonazepam at night. It's an anti-convulsant with muscle relaxant and anti-anxiety side effects, to stop the leg movement. We started out with a .5mg dose at night, and if there aren't significant benefits, we'll jump up to 1mg.

And let me tell you, I have noticed a difference! I am beginning to feel more rested. I'm not completely exhausted all day long. I have been on this med for a week, and I am very pleased. There still needs to be some tweaking, I do still get tired later in the day, and can easily take a 1.5 hour nap or so, but it's still SO much better. And that was on the .5mg dose.

Last night I bumped up to 1mg. And I overslept! I slept from about 9:30 to about 6:30 or 7. I don't know if that is related in any way to a bunch of stress I've been going through lately or what, but it was interesting. I'm more tired right now than I have been the last several days, but as I've also just gotten up, it could just be that. So we'll give it a bit of time. I might try the 1mg again tonight, depending on how the rest of the day goes.

I know I have about 15-16 years of sleep debt to make up, so I don't expect to feel all energetic and "cured" overnight (no pun intended). But a little better every day would be great, and not to fall any further behind also.

If overall we're not happy with how the clonazepam works, we'll move on to a dopominergic, which increases dopamine and reduces muscle contractions. Other possibilities, after we've worked on reducing the PLM, is to try a stimulant to counteract the daytime sleepiness. These include Provigil or, believe it or not, Ritalin! But that's ages down the road. First let's see how this one does. :)

So there ya go, peeps, my sleep results. I KNEW something was messed up with my sleep! Now to just tweak til it's all better. mk

To sleep...perchance to dream...

2010-04-07T09:48:00.003-04:00

So. We all know I have these sleep issues. And exhaustion issues. Well, my therapist (love this guy!) put the two together and asked me if I had done a sleep study, which I hadn't. So he told me to TELL my doctor to refer me to the sleep clinic. And they did!

So on March 23rd, I headed over to the sleep lab for an overnight. They showed me to this little room with a giant saggy bed (that was a SleepNumber bed, but I never got around to actually playing with that), and an attached bathroom that had the biggest freakin toilet I have ever seen. Seriously. Huge. Apparently they get some rather large clients. This toilet is certified to hold up to 2000 pounds. Really. And naturally, I didn't bring my camera with me to share pictures.

Anyway, this older gentleman with a very quiet, soothing voice attached over 20 wires to me, mostly on my scalp and face, oh, and upper chest. I had one above one eye, below the other eye, nasal prongs up my nose (to monitor air intake), a sound monitor taped to my throat (to register snoring), two bands across my upper chest and abdomen (to monitor breathing), electrodes attached to my shins (to see about periodic limb movement, also known as restless leg syndrome), a heart and blood-oxygen monitor clipped to my index finger. I was seriously wired for sound. All of these wires were gathered behind and up on the top of my head and then ran to a box hanging from an IV pole next to the bed. I told the somnographer that I really, REALLY wished I had brought my camera so I could get pictures and blog this. (see, I was thinking of you!)

So then I took my meds, put my mouthguard in (and let me tell you, I felt some sexy), made sure my cell phone was off (it would interfere with the equipment. couldn't use my iPod, either), the guy ran a few tests from the control room, came back and adjusted a few things, and we were set. He shut the lights out from the control room and I settled down to sleep.

Which, amazingly, I actually did!! I woke up with no idea what time it was (no clocks in the room), but after a bit (I think his name was David) came on the intercom & told me he thought we were done, and he gradually brought the lights up. Then he came in to disconnect me.

He had told me the night before that they needed at least six hours of sleep activity to call it a full study. I was really worried they wouldn't get that from me, but apparently they did! Yay me!

I asked him if he had any observations he could share, knowing that he can't give me any official results, and after agreeing to that disclaimer, he told me some stuff.

I spent most of the night sleeping on my stomach, although sometimes on my sides. I didn't sleep on my back at all. And I often slept with my head tilted way back, like to open my airway more. I had delayed-onset REM sleep, like my body was trying to avoid hitting that stage of sleep, because that is when the most instances of any airway restriction happens. And sure enough, I had marked reduction in air intake, about 50%. (I researched and learned that this is called hypopnea)

That was pretty much all he gave me, I think. Then he was all done with the wires, he left the room, I got dressed, he escorted me out, and I went home and took a shower to get all the gunk out of my hair that held the wires on (it was like wax...it came out really easily), and took a nap (it was 6am). The only thing that I had to remind me of the night was this fairly big, really bright red rectangle on my throat with a little circle in the middle and lines extending on either side, from the tape that held on the sound monitor. It lasted until the next day. I completely forgot it was there when we went to the store later that night to pick up pizza. Wonder what they thought (it's a tiny country store, they all know me).

I go in on Friday and learn my official results (I've also asked for a copy of the report...yeah, I'm a geek). The most likely treatment, if it *is* hypopnea, is the same as for sleep apnea: wearing a breathing mask at night, called a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure). It looks like a fighter pilot mask, attached to a tube, attached to a machine you keep next to the bed. Man, I am gonna be so sexy and attractive at night! I guess it's a good thing there's nobody on the other side of the bed. :P

BUT. Some of the symptoms of hypopnea may include excessive daytime sleepiness, depression, forgetfulness, mood or behavior changes, trouble concentrating, loss of energy, nervousness, and morning headaches. Hello! All the stuff I've been complaining about for YEARS. Could be cured!! Which will be so incredibly awesome!!!! (and yes, I'm a tiny bit pissed that nobody thought of doing this years ago)

Anyway, I'll know more Friday, and yes, I will (try to) keep you posted!!!! mk

Holy Crap....TWO MONTHS...really?

2010-04-07T09:47:00.002-04:00

Man, I am neglecting the hell out of this blog. It's funny, too, because I *think* of posts all the time...then I just seem to forget whenever I'm anywhere near a keyboard.

OK, so I'll post a few now. Sorry to barrage you with them after such an absence, but if I don't do it now, I'll forget again.

mk =)

Yes, I Still Hate Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T00:55:00.002-05:00

I'm so tired.

I'm tired of this stupid freakin' build-up to the "most romantic day of the year" which is just a bunch of bullshit because it's not at all a spontaneous expression of the overflowing love you feel for someone. It's a cave to the pressure that the ENTIRE WORLD seems to put on anyone in a relationship, that if they DON'T get something excessive (or god forbid, anything at all) for their "Valentine," then they are somehow heartless neglectful horrible jerks, one step away from a monster.

I'm tired of feeling jealous of the people who announce with fanfare just how amazing their partner is because they gave/did/made this-or-that. It's bad enough if on a random day of the year, someone spoils their special someone rotten and I have to hear about it and get all wistful. I even understand this expectation for a declaration or grand show of love on a day that has personal significance, like an anniversary. That's individual, specific to a particular bond of love. But a nationally observed day of love? C'mon.

I'm tired of the weeks of buildup before the actual date, day after day of watching sappy commercials on television that tell you that if you just get your woman *this* spectacular diamond solitaire pendant, or *these* one-of-a-kind earrings (mass-produced in Taiwan), or take her on *that* once-of-a-lifetime dream vacation to some exotic beach resort, only then will you be able to truly show your love. Bullshit.

I'm tired of being bitter for a month every year about being single. I honestly don't even know if I do or don't want to be in a relationship most of the time. But I'd like to be able to ponder this in peace and quiet, without a blaring hysterical focus on the status of everyone's relationship as the big V-day approaches. So many new and fragile dating relationships must implode under the pressure of the expectations thrust upon them about what to do about Valentine's Day. Do you get a present? A card? Roses? Dinner? Nothing? Is it time to kiss? More than kiss? Does he expect it? Does she? A big fast-forward is put on it. And this applies to pretty much every dating relationship that begins after the New Year. Am I doing enough? Too much? What are the rules here? ARE there rules here?

I'm just tired. Tired of seeing it all, tired of hearing it all, tired of being left out of it all even though I don't want it. Tired of wanting it, even when I don't want it. (confusing? try living through that contradictory pair of emotions)

I'm. so. tired. mk

Pick Me!

2010-02-02T19:07:00.002-05:00

Kira came home from school today with red writing all over the palm of her hand. Before I could get a picture, it got washed off, so I can't show you how cute it was, but...

What she had done was draw a big heart in the middle of her palm and then both above and below it she wrote "Pick me! Please"

She did this so that when she raised her hand in class her teacher would see it and hopefully pick her.

She said it didn't work. :) mk

Pet Petition

2010-01-30T13:26:00.008-05:00

This is the email from my daughter to my dad (copied and pasted, font sizes and all):

Wish me luck! I am going to beg mom for a pet. So I need to come up with a convincing speech that will got mom's attention. I really want one but it seems like my speeches have not been very good at telling her that. I need to speak from the heart and really let her know what I want. I want a pet, not even a pet, a friend, someone who can play with me and I can care for. I want someone to make me laugh and keep me company.
I have to go know. See you later. bye

This is the email from Kira to me. Subject line: Important buisness:

Dear Ms. (markira's last name),
I would like to request a pet. I shall pay for it all (including the supplies), and take care of it. To earn one I shall do the chores for two months, clean my room and keep it clean. When I got to my father's house I will pay you to feed it. I will pay you $0.25 each time you feed it. I will vacoume my room once a week, and put newpapers on the floor when i take it out of its cage. I will do anything for a pet. If you can think of anything else I will be glad to here.
from your dear daughter,
Kira (markira's last name)

Attached was a Word document that consisted of two pictures of guinea pigs and the word

pppppppppllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaassssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee

...and this is my response to my dad about Kira's letter.....

she just rips my heart up sometimes, y'know? still not getting a pet.

Dr. Nightmare

2010-01-29T18:09:00.002-05:00

I am so easily amused.

I have a Garmin Nuvi that my parents gave me for Christmas 2008. (side note: GPS's are one of the most fabulous inventions ever!) I lovelovelove my Garmin. The standard female voice that came with it, I named Jenna. (I don't know why. She just *sounded* like a Jenna.) Love Jenna, she has really allowed me to have confidence in traveling, that I will get where I want to go. For a severely directionally challenged individual like myself, it's an amazing feeling.

I knew you could download other voices, vehicles, etc, so quite awhile back I did a bunch of that here. (it's all free. I like free.) Then I was an idiot and couldn't figure out the kind of cable to connect my Garmin to my PC, and then I got distracted so the whole thing sat forever. I accidentally discovered that I ALREADY POSSESSED the exact cable I needed, just a few weeks ago. Yes. Duh. Anyway, moved it all over & stuff. Updated my vehicle to a spiffy little silver sports car, switched over to the British Lady (who sounds like a BITCH), and ta-da.

Went to an away game for Mark today (not too far away, about 15-20 minutes) and I knew how to get there but one of the things I like about the Garmin is that it will also keep track of what time you are supposed to arrive. Which is great for me, who is obsessed & paranoid about being late. So I had it going and everything, and I got sick of British Bitch, so I decided to go with a new voice I had downloaded for the way home.

Dr. Nightmare.

It is the coolest voice EVER!!!!! I absolutely LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE it! Every time he spoke, I got the biggest damn grin on my face. And then at one point, as I'm driving along admiring the full moon (yes), Dr. Nightmare randomly speaks up and said, "My usual transportation is by broomstick." (I got giggling hysterically at that point, I was so tickled) Almost home, and he said, "In one-quarter mile, turn right and arrive at the despicable destination." I mean, how awesome is that!!

I am SOOOOOOO waiting for the evil laugh...I know he'll have one!! :D mk

My Favorite Distraction

2010-01-22T10:28:00.002-05:00

Yes, long time, let's not go there, eh?

Once again I am avoiding responsibility by messing around on the Internet. It's my favorite distraction. :) Sometimes I can even fool myself into thinking I'm accomplishing something, like now: I googled my doctor (so I wouldn't have to bother looking it up in my address book which is two feet away) and filled that information in on the Patient sheet that has to go with me in two weeks to my therapy appointment. 'Cause that's WAY more important than doing the laundry or catching up on dishes or maybe even dusting and vacuuming the house before the dust bunnies form an army and take over the world. And holy god, do not get started on washing floors.

MUCH better to fill out patient forms, and put up the kids' school pictures (now that Mark's FINALLY ARRIVED yesterday after MONTHS...nothing like having the kid's picture taken in September and finally arriving the end of January. And of course I didn't feel like I could put Kira's up without Mark's, so her picture is currently...um...somewhere on my desk, and now I'm going to even stop typing this so I can locate it.

*mad rummaging*

wow. That was faster than I thought. Less than 30 seconds. Not to be confused with thinking my desk is organized or anything, because I can assure you it is NOT. And that's something I'm avoiding, too.

Along with putting away the Christmas decorations, which are currently taking up space on several steps. Except the snowflake lights, which are on the dining room table. To my credit, they haven't been on the table for a month...I just remembered they were up and took them down. Yes, they were on the sliding glass doors that we use to exit and enter the house. You'd think I would have noticed them. But I think my attention has been diverted by the suction frog that is smack dab at face level on the door. With a taped-on word balloon. It's really quite cute.

OK, so now I have both kids' pictures. So I can put them up, and put the wallet size in my wallet (wow, original) and get my parents' copies set to give to them later today when we go to Mark's game.

Hey! Now I can segue neatly into basketball! Kira's season is almost over, she has a tournament on Saturday and the certificate ceremony or whatever you call it. She's done very well this season, she's quite a good basketball player. There's a possibility that next year the girls' busline coach will have to dip into the fifth grade to get more players (next year's sixth grade class is very tiny, and there aren't a lot of girl athletes in that class or the current sixth grade). She is VERY excited about this possibility, even though it means that she will be playing against sixth, seventh, and eighth grade girls and will get her butt kicked. But she also knows that she will learn a LOT, and she gets to practice every day, which she is incredibly excited about. She's even looking forward to the suicides. The girls' coach also usually adds something at each stop point, like pushups or jumping jacks. Kira thinks this is great. Masochist. But the coach is awesome, and he hasn't had a lot of talent to work with in recent years (not to say all the girls suck, 'cause they don't, but some do, and he hasn't had any future WNBA-ers out of the rest of them, either), so I think it will be fun for him, too.

Mark is on the freshman team at the high school, and the team is having a great season (they are 9-1). Mark's a first-string post player, and he is showing noticeable improvement since the beginning of the season. He's not a superstar player like he was for his team last year, but he's solid and with some definite skills, including being his team's top rebounder. His coach is great and really works with all of the players to help them improve. The boys also earn their play time by how hard they work in practice, which is so cool. For example, he benched their "top" player for an entire quarter for skipping practice. The boys are expected to work hard and play hard, and they do. He also cycles all the players in the game, and doesn't wait to have a lead before he does it. He doesn't have a "win at all costs" attitude (not to say he doesn't want to win, 'cause he does), but his focus is on improving -all- of the players. I like it. I like how the second string is played even when we are behind, which gives them a chance to feel full game pressure. They're not just put in when we're way ahead and have to hold on to a lead, where it's okay to slip some points. Nope, they have to bring the team ahead. As a result, they all have to work harder, and that's awesome.

Both kids are struggling a bit academically this year. Kira's not in terms of not being able to grasp the concepts, or even in the application. But she's starting to develop her brother's poor study habits, and as a result has passed homework in late, and she has been given two academic detentions this year (you get a pink slip if you don't pass homework in on time, and if you do it again in the same week, you get an academic detention). She gets terribly upset when she gets pink slips, but this has not seemed to change her behaviours. And unfortunately I haven't been mentally with it enough to keep on top of her with this.

Mark is having the same issues of not passing his homework in on time, and his grades are showing it. This quarter he has four C's (last quarter he had 1), and it was by the skin on his teeth that a couple of them weren't D's. His father is going to go ballistic. I'M not too happy either. Mark is trying to brush it off on sports, but I know better. He has poor study habits. If he passed his homework in on time, his grades would easily be at least B's, and likely even A's. I was hoping that he would be able to police himself better once he saw that his poor habits really affected his grades, but I guess I'm going to have to try to step up and get back on his ass.

If I can. Of course, I am still struggling with all of my same issues, including the huge energy drain that is Seasonal Affective. It's slightly better this year because I have increased my Wellbutrin, but by no means is it "all better." It's still an uphill climb.

I continue to feel that if I can just get myself on top of the housework and better organized, that things will vastly improve. You would think with this knowledge I would get my ass off the computer and get to the house, hey? Yeah, not so much. Sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can't. It's also terribly frustrating on the days that I AM able to pull myself together and make some real progress, that the kids, who have slipped into horrible house habits as well, come home and destroy all of my progress in a matter of minutes. And I am just too emotionally battered to handle it properly.

So, we carry on. And now that I've blathered on for awhile, I'm gonna get off and (maybe) put a load of laundry in, put away dishes, get the kids' pictures hung, and get some of the crap off the stairs. Wish me luck!! mk

***********
Title note: When Kira was in kindergarten, she had several boys in the class with huge crushes on her. One of my favorites was Thomas. When I first met Thomas's parents--at the skating rink--his dad said, "Ah, Kira. Thomas's favorite distraction." I loved it. :)

I did the Macarena with my dog in my car because I'm sexy and I do what I want.

2010-01-16T07:19:00.003-05:00

I started seeing really weird Facebook status messages from my friends, and finally figured out what they were doing. Create a sentence from these pieces:

Pick the month you were born:
January-------I kicked
February------I loved
March---------I karate chopped
April-----------I licked
May-----------I jumped on
June-----------I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena with
August--------I had lunch with
September----I danced with
October-------I sang to
November-----I yelled at
December-----I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my mobile phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10------my neighbour
11------my science teacher
12------a banana
13------a fireman
14------a stuffed animal
15------a goat
16------a pickle
17------your mom
18------a spoon
19------a smurf
20------a baseball bat
21------a ninja
22------Chuck Norris
23------a noodle
24------a squirrel
25------a football player
26------my sister
27------my brother
28------an iPod
29------a surfer
30------a homeless guy
31------a llama

What is the last number of the year you were born:
1--------- In my car
2 ---------On your car
3 --------In a hole
4 ---------Under your bed
5 ---------Riding a Motorcycle
6 ---------Sliding down a hill
7 ---------In an elevator
8----------At the dinner table
9 -------- In line at the bank
0 -------- in your bathroom

Pick the colour of shirt you are wearing:
White--------because I'm cool like that.
Black---------because that's how I roll.
Pink----------because I'm NOT crazy.
Red----------because the voices told me to.
Blue----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green--------because I think I need some serious help.
Purple--------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray---------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars.
Orange------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown---------because I can.
Other--------because I'm a Ninja!
None---------because I can't control myself!

Feel free to leave your result in the comments! mk

Just Me Thinks--Sports Injuries

2009-12-31T08:09:00.002-05:00

Has anybody else wondered how we developed the very odd but well-established "good sportsmanship" rule of applauding when an injured player leaves a game? I do understand the basic idea of it, that we are applauding the player "giving it their all" and risking their health to play, that it is a form of well-wishing and respect. I know what it is supposed to mean.

BUT.

applause /əpl'ɔːz/ a demonstration of approval by clapping the hands together

So it just strikes me as a bit bizarre that we are applauding an injury. We are approving it? We are happy it happened? We support it? "You are hurt....YAYYYYYY!"

We are weird people. mk

Mental Health Days

2009-12-17T06:25:00.002-05:00

This morning when I went to make sure Mark dragged his sorry carcass out of bed, he did his usual whine and whimper thing about being tired, I did my usual go-to-bed-earlier-then response, and then he started muttering that he really needed a mental health day.

My first instinct was to say no. Repeatedly. Even when he begged. I explained that he would get further behind in his homework, he would miss whatever the teacher was *teaching*, he would miss basketball practice and he's got a game tomorrow, and coach would likely not start him if he had missed the previous day's practice. And that it's two days until the weekend. Listed out all the logical reasons for him to get his butt out of bed and get in the damn shower already. And don't steal my towel!

Then I came downstairs and started to really think about it. Went over the pros and cons.

He's been incredibly busy this year in school. He's taking a full courseload of seven classes, three of which are honors. He is playing sports, and since before school started, he has had practice or games five days a week for soccer, and six days a week for basketball. The bus picks him up at 6:30 in the morning, and sometimes he doesn't get home until 7:30pm (or later...tonight's practice is from 7:15 to 8:45). He is working out--to the point of exhaustion--every day for at least 90 minutes and on alternate days (phys ed) 170 minutes. He gets maybe 7.5 hours of sleep a night, and his baseline need is at least 10.

His schedule today: bus picks him up at 6:30, drops him back at home at 2:30, going to watch the busline semifinals after Kira gets out of school, Kira's practice from 6-7 (where he will work out also, playing bball with the older sister and dad of one of Kira's friends), his practice from 7:15-8:45. And somewhere in there he has to do homework and eat dinner.

So yeah, is he run a bit ragged right now? Definitely. Would he benefit from a day where he could just catch up on sleep and homework? Oh yes.

But.

In two days it's the weekend. Besides practice, he has nothing scheduled. Oh yes, Kira has a game, and he usually likes to take that hour to work out in the fitness room at the Y with that older sister of Kira's friend.

So after he got out of the shower (and dammit, he did steal my towel), I laid it out for him. I gave him all of the pros and cons. I told him to seriously look at what effect it would have on his game tomorrow, where coach would likely not start him and also limit his playtime, since playtime was earned by performance in practice. I told him that a mental health day would not include video games, TV, or computer except for homework. He could use the day to catch up on sleep and homework, and he said he had a book he needed to read for English. And I told him that he could make the decision.

He went to school.

What do you think about teens these days and the idea of mental health days? mk

Kira Quote

2009-11-30T06:14:00.003-05:00

On Black Friday, Mark picked up a present for his girlfriend. They've been going out for two months now! As everyone ooh-ed and aah-ed over his selection, Kira piped up with:

"Not to be mean or anything, but what if she DUMPS you before Christmas? Can I have it?"

Gotta love that girl. mk

Run, Baby, Run

2009-11-18T07:21:00.002-05:00

Last night I had to go to the high school to pick Mark up after basketball tryouts. Kira, of course, came with. As we were sitting out in the car waiting, Kira asked if she could go in the school to use the bathroom. I checked to make sure she knew where it was (it's a big building), and then said sure.

She got out of the car, and ran to the doors. Her hair (which comes about halfway down her back) was bouncing and flying and glorious, her arms were flailing in that little-girl-run way, and my heart just squeezed with love for her, and a tinge of sadness.

She's almost ten, you see, and growing up so quickly. How much longer will she run from place to place? How much longer before running isn't "cool"? Will she adopt the self-conscious walk that says she thinks everyone is watching her, and judging? How much longer until her running is totally efficient, arms held closer to her side, hands held in a clench? When will she stop grinning when she runs, for the joy of it?

She was running away, from me, to a place where the big kids, the young adults, go. Going out of the reach of my arms, where I could be there and hold her and keep her safe. Going towards independence and self-sufficiency.

When she reached the doors, she slowed to a walk and just looked so grown-up, my heart hurt again. She disappeared inside. I worried, a little. Would she find her way all right? Would she get lost, be scared? I waited.

Soon enough, but not soon enough, she reappeared at the door. Pushed it open, passed through. And ran back to me, hair flying, arms wild, and smiling. Oh, smiling. All was right in her world, she was filled with joy, and secure in being loved.

Run, baby, run. mk

To Write Love On Her Arms

2009-11-13T10:17:00.003-05:00

Today is International To Write Love On Her Arms Day. TWLOHA is a non-profit movement to raise awareness and provide hope and support for people struggling with depression, anxiety, addiction, and self-injury.

Being one who fights depression and anxiety on a daily basis, and also one who has self-injured, this is an important issue for me.

Some of the salient points:

* 121 million people in the world struggle with depression; 18 million in the U.S.

* 2/3 of people who suffer with depression will not seek treatment

* an estimated 4% of the population self-injures as a way to cope with emotional pain

People who struggle with these issues are not seeking attention (most will try to hide their symptoms and scars), are not "emo" or crazy or manipulative. They are real people, feeling real pain, and coping the best way they know how.

If someone you know deals with any of these struggles (and at least one does, since you're reading my blog and therefore know me), then show that you care. Show that you support the movement, give hope to millions.

Write "Love" on your arms today. mk

Mark wrote Love on his arms. He's bringing a Sharpie to school so that he can get his friends to do it, too.

If even one person at the high school who has these issues sees this demonstration of support, maybe they will find a scrap of hope.
Hope is there.

Rescue is possible.

To Write Love On Her Arms

And I'm Not Even Drunk

2009-11-10T16:43:00.004-05:00

* Mark just came in from playing basketball, and I swung around in my computer chair and said, "Hey....go out and grab the freezer from the big pizza."

* This was shortly after I noticed that I was scrolling down through names on an email I was forwarding, in time with the music that was playing ("Grey Street" by Dave Matthews)

* My daughter is playing "butler" to my son. Purely because she feels like it. She stands waiting attentively with her hands neatly crossed in front of her until he asks her to do something, then she says, "Yes, sir" very professionally and heads off to do it (right now she's getting him a drink). A bit ago she was getting his rebounds for him, and clapping when he made a basket. Why the hell don't I have a butler?

* Spoke too soon. She just cheerily asked me: "Do you want me to be your butler too? It's free!" But she doesn't do chores. I just received a glass of cider. Awesome!

* I absolutely love the song "Hunger For the Great Light" by Dave Matthews. I'm really getting into his music. How did I miss out on this for so long?

* My kids are very tolerant of my weirdness. They just go on their merry way.

* I've got a new therapist who is working with me on DBT (Dialectic Behavioural Therapy) for borderline personality disorder. I have a book, he gives me assignments to read certain parts (as well as other general assignments). I'm referring to it as my "Independent Study in Psychology." Makes me feel like I'm doing something cool. Almost like a normal person.

* Kira's fingers click rather quickly on her keyboard. I'm pretty darn impressed that she can type that well in fourth grade. I didn't learn to type until high school. And that was on a TYPEWRITER. I don't think my kids have ever even SEEN one of those. Wow. That just made me feel really, really, REALLY old.

* Mark is unimpressed. He is grounded. He has passed in several assignments late in science, and as a result he currently has an F average. We are 8 days into the new quarter. Per our homework contract, he is grounded from pretty much everything in the world until he pulls the average up to a C or better. Basketball tryouts are on Monday. In addition, he can't watch TV, and because I enjoy having my kids around me as part of a family, the TV is off for all of us. I really like seeing the different ways they choose to spend their time. Mark is reading, Kira is emailing a friend, and I'm, well, here. Not exactly a close family activity, but it beats staring glazedly at the TV.

* I cannot find my glue gun. I brought it over to Brenda's for Halloween, and I'm not sure if it got mixed in with some other of my stuff, or someone else's, but I can't find it. You never realize how much stuff you need to hot-glue until you can't find your glue gun. Even if prior to that it had been sitting on the stairs for months, doing nothing. Can't find it? You will find 500 things that desperately need it, NOW.

* I reeeeeeally need to go to bed early tonight. I finally broke the four-week-long headache I had, but broke it with Excedrin Migraine (and yes, I realize it is EXACTLY the same formula as Excedrin, in different packaging with different dosage instructions, and besides I got the generic, which just calls itself "Headache Relief."), which contains caffeine, and being very sensitive to caffeine, I then was unable to get more than 2.5 hours of sleep last night. So I am very tired, but at the same time kinda wired because I took the Excedrin again this morning just to wipe out the last vestiges of the headache.

* The combination of lack of sleep and caffeine hype is probably why I collapsed in hysterical laughter when I told Mark to get the freezer out of the big pizza. And he just patted me on the head and moved on.

K, think I'm gonna stop with the freeform blogging and go do something else. No idea what, though. Ah well, something will come up. mk

Are We All Insane?

2009-11-09T21:12:00.002-05:00

Have you ever really put a lot of thought into what you would do if you found yourself in an insane situation? Something that is completely impossible according to everything you've known your entire life? By this I mean, what do you really, truly, think you would do if in the course of your everyday existence, you saw something that just couldn't be real. Let's say, you woke up and your house was full of little people, about five inches tall. These people talked to you, in rational sentences. Would you immediately tell someone? Or would you try to figure out if this was real, or a hallucination. Would you worry about what people would say or do if it *was* a hallucination? What would you think? What would you *feel*?

If you haven't seen the movie A Beautiful Mind, stop reading here. I hate giving things away, so here's your chance not to have it spoiled for you.

Can you imagine being John Nash? Can you imagine having someone who had been an important part of your life, for YEARS, your *best friend*, be nothing but a hallucination? It's one thing to be faced with something you *know* can't be real, something that could easily be classified as a delusion, such as hearing inanimate objects talk to you, or seeing pterodactyls flying around the park. It's another when you can't trust any of your senses, when each and every one of them could be betraying you at any moment, and you wouldn't know.

Really take some time to think about this. Set several minutes aside to do it.

Have you ever experienced anything that you wonder about, whether it's real? What did you do? Did you ignore it, and hope it went away? Did you tell someone? Or did you just keep it quiet, pretend it didn't happen. lalalalala, I'm not listening, if I cover my eyes you can't see me.

Can you always tell whether something really happened? Have you ever had a dream that was so realistic that you somehow absorbed it into your memories and mixed it in with your true history?

There's no real point to this post, no clear ending. Just something I've been pondering, as I've been reading dozens of Stephen King short stories. Just finished one about a guy who hallucinated a whole other person, who was actually himself. Bizarre stuff. That can happen. Maybe even to me. Or you. mk

I Love You People

2009-11-01T18:32:00.002-05:00

Yep. I do. I love you all. I love my family, I love my blog, I love EVERYTHING.....

and I have been into the Smirnoff.

Tomorrow is a full moon, Halloween was yesterday, and all is right with the world. Well, except my kids having a horrible allergic reaction to the makeup that they wore last night (and Kira wore the night before, too, so her face is all swollen up like the Stay-Puf marshmallow man). Neither one of them wants to go to school looking the way they do. I don't blame them. Especially Kira. She is *bad.* I hope it goes away. :(

My Seasonal Affective Disorder is going to get a really great boost now that we've set the clocks back and sunset is somewhere in the neighborhood of 4:30 in the afternoon (and earlier every day). Awesomeness. Like I need that crap. But my Wellbutrin is on its last renewal, so when I call the office to have them renew it, I'm going to ask if they can double-dose it. Or at least, in my vodkaconfidence, I am going to. Likely, I'll just meekly accept the current dose and continue to feel like crap until December when they might realize that I SHOULD have increased the damn dosage in October.

Tomorrow there is NOT a new episode of House. I freakin' love that show. I do not want to watch baseball. I do not want to watch Dancing With The Stars (get your own freakin' time slot, losers). I want HOUSE. grrrrrr.

When I went out to my car to find my camera to upload the pictures from last night (which I'm not posting yet because I need to edit them and honestly, am not in the best frame of mind to write a well-written post about how awesome the evening was), I had the most amazing idea. Can't remember it now, but it was amazing. Trust me.

Facebook is sucking me in with all of these applications. Now I am a farmer (on TWO different farms), and I am stranded on a desert island. That has a store on it. And where I can island-hop. Honestly, if I can hop from island to island, am I really still stranded? And why would I go back to my island when Michelle and Wendy have MUCH better islands than I do?

I want chocolate, I don't have any in the house, and it is irritating me. I am making do with a "Low Fat" Quaker Chewy oatmeal raisin bar. 90 calories. That's because it's two freakin' bites, people.

I have a new therapist. His name is John and he specializes in DBT, which is a treatment for people with borderline personality disorder. Which apparently my most recent therapist JUST realized I really struggle with. After TWO FUCKING YEARS. She was all, "I think you might be dealing with BPD." I'm like: "Yeahhhhhhh????" (like, this is not news, lady) Yes, I have great faith in the mental health community. Anyway, John seems really good so far, especially since he makes me really nervous and he won't let me side-step questions. He thinks within the next year I will have mastered several skills that will greatly help. Within a year! That's amazing considering how long I have been in therapy, to think that I will have measurable results in such a short time.

My buzz seems to be leveling out. Where's my vodka?

There are 54 days left until Christmas. One of my Facebook friends has a countdown on her profile page. eek! I can't think of what to get for Mark. He's no help. He wants an iPod touch (stand in line, buddy) or a "real" cellphone (right now he has a TracFone and he doesn't want to spend the money on additional minutes....and he thinks I do?). And he can't think of anything else. Great. Christmas Day, he'll open new socks and gift cards for TracFone minutes.

I just put something in my mouth without being entirely certain what it was. I *thought* it was a crumb from my oatmeal raisin bar that somehow dropped on my desk, but I didn't know for sure. Fortunately, that's what it turned out to me. wow. just, wow.

I want to throw a party. At the same time, this idea scares the living hell out of me. What if no one comes? What if they all come and they're bored out of their minds and they never want to have anything to do with me ever again? How do you throw a party, anyway? I know all these people I want to invite, but most of them have spouses or significant others, and, um, I don't? In fact, do I even HAVE any single friends anymore? Wow. Well, Peter, and Kimmie, but they both live in the Boston area. That's not helpful.

My vacuum cleaner has been in my living room for weeks. I have not vacuumed. It's just hanging out there.

Did I mention I love you all?

What do *I* want for Christmas? Kira was asking me awhile ago, and I was having a hard time coming up with things to tell her. Partly because a lot of what I want isn't exactly exciting ("hey, darling, can you give me some new ceiling panels for the dining room? That would be lovely"). Okay, mostly because what I want isn't exciting. Or affordable for a nine-year-old.

Oh fuck. She's got a birthday coming up. What day is it???? It's on a Wednesday. Dang, I need to think of a party. And a present.

Her closet is a friggin hell-hole. She never actually puts her clothes away when I ask her. She just throws them in there, or hides them. Great. And I hear a lot of "all you have to do is" put them away for her and get her all fixed up to start fresh. Yeah. If it was that easy. I'm good if I friggin' SHOWER every day.

I've been trying a new thing of dressing up nicely. I try not to wear jeans. Except on days when I'm going to be doing heavy work that would beat hell out of nice clothes. It's kind of nice. I missed looking good most days. Except I keep getting comments like "Why are you all dressed up?" which just tells me how far I have fallen. Cripe.

I did not wear a costume to the Halloween Carnival. I wore nice black pants and a purple top with silver rings at the neckline and flats. People asked why I didn't dress up and I would either indicate my outfit and say "I did dress up" or "I'm a psychopath. They look like everyone else."

How long is this entry, anyway? Oh well. I'm not done yet.

Just got a text from my very dear friend Shelly. She said "I hate sundays." I said "I'm buzzed. I love sundays. I love you. I love everything." Am waiting for reply.

I need to get laid. I'm sorry, Mom-and-Dad-who-occasionally-read-my-blog, but it's true. It has been entirely too long. Or not long enough. Or, oh shit, someone stop me from blathering penis jokes. Really. Oh my fucking god. Oh wait, that's blasphemy. (and I had to type that 9 times before I spelled it right). hahahhahahahhahahah Oh fuck. good vodka.

Two drinks. I am such a cheap drunk. Or very liberal with the vodka. Your choice.

I wonder how comfortable it would be if I continued to sit here cross-legged in my office chair, with the slide-out keyboard tray out, with my head down on the desk. I bet I could fall asleep. I bet I would NOT be happy when I woke up.

I miss my friend Peter. He was up a couple of weeks ago, made me dinner, the next day we went to Fort Knox....I want him to come back up soon. C' mon Peter.....

Just realized I do, in fact, have chocolate. Had s'mores makings in a bag that has been floating around the kitchen, to camp, back to the kitchen, for quite a while. Snagged a partially eaten Hershey bar from earlier this week. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

chocolate

Read this fabulous article in Cosmopolitan (boy those women are sluts...why do I want a subscription so badly then?) about how women are dying from drinking, because they are drinking too much too fast and then going to sleep and never waking up. Awesome. Apparently women who drink very rarely are more susceptible to this than regular drinkers, and it's most particularly dangerous to those who drink to the point of throwing up. So I am apparently not at risk here. I'm just rather buzzed, and will sleep well. But the article definitely made an impression.

(and wow, when I googled cosmopolitan to link to that article, the 3rd result was a recipe FOR a Cosmopolitan. Don't drink it!)

oh well. couldn't find a link. Trust me, drink slowly and if you're too wasted, do NOT be alone.

I have "How Much Is That Doggie In The Window" in my head. Wow.

K people. I think I have inflicted enough on you for awhile. Gonna sign off, continue texting with Shelly (dang those little buttons are getting slippery) and check in with you later. xoxox mk

Halloween Carnival 2009

2009-11-01T18:08:00.007-05:00

I have pictures! From the Halloween Carnival, which Kira did NOT win a prize at (she was robbed, I tell you! ROBBED!) Several people agreed that she was definitely "scarier" than the girl in her age category who won scariest, but since I really don't care, I had such an incredible rush just looking at the results of nearly two hours of makeup time.....here we go!

In case you can't figure it out (and if you can't, what kind of Halloween person are you? Seriously....) Kira went as a dead prom queen. What's the saying? The best prom queen is a dead prom queen....

Doesn't she look pretty?

Yeah, I would NOT want to be telling her she didn't win....

She even had "scar" tattoos going up her wrists and on her upper arm...she loved them. I didn't tell her what the wrist tattoos meant.

Aren't my children gorgeous? Kira's even got the model poses down.... :)Mark took about 30 seconds to plan out his costume for the evening....and then when he got there, he took off the mask and someone painted his face like a basketball. :)

We had a really good time at the Carnival, of course. The kids went through the haunted house (Mark gloated that it wasn't as scary as his class did last year...which he would have claimed even if they had Hannibal Lecter in there giving cooking lessons), several of Mark's friends also came (and he went to a dance afterwards in the next town over), Kira ran around with her friends happily shrieking. It was great. Very good lead-in to THE BIG DAY. mk

Halloween Musing

2009-10-30T12:20:00.002-04:00

Anybody ever think about how what a perfect time Halloween is to go on a mass-murdering spree? Everyone's acting a bit weird, nobody gets suspicious when they see someone covered in blood or carrying a large sharp object....

Hey! Come to the Halloween Carnival tonight! I'll be there! Bwahahahahaaaaa.... mk

SAD vs Scary

2009-10-27T12:06:00.002-04:00

Everyone knows that Halloween is my favorite holiday . I LOVE all the spooky, scary stuff, and the costumes and decorations and haunted houses and events and everything. It is awesome. AWESOME.

Most of you also know that I struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder. Every year at about the end of September I start really showing it. I get very tired, prone to major depressive episodes, and just generally lacking in energy and drive. I can't get enough sleep, I have a constant craving for carbs, whether I'm actually hungry or not. It's not pleasant.

So the two things battle each other each year. In an ideal (for me) world, I would do up the decorations at my house at the beginning of October, do the jack-o-lantern carving with the kids, maybe throw a party or two. And of course, there would be The Big Night, which would just be joyous and exciting.

Instead, what usually happens is that I keep intending to get out all the decorations, plan to get them set up, but maybe the week before I might actually do something (this year the big activity was slapping some new window clings of bloody hands on the sliding glass door. (that link isn't to a picture of mine....but I have the same kind, and she's got a better view out the window.) I do the costume thing, yes. This year Kira will be a dead prom queen. I'll do the trick-or-treating, but I'm tired the whole time, and I'm just going through the motions.

My psychiatric nurse had been talking to me about increasing my Wellbutrin to combat the Seasonal Affective. We even scheduled a meeting for September to look at doing it then, getting ahead of it. And what ended up happening was that she decided that I seemed to be doing okay right then and we'd get together again in December and take a look. Of course, we met on September 18th. My SAD doesn't get going until Octoberish. Of COURSE I was still doing okay. We were supposed to be trying to get AHEAD OF IT.

Naturally I didn't advocate for myself and insist on doing it, or even meeting sooner than December, when I'll be in full grip. And sure enough, last week I had a blaster of a depressive episode, one of the worst I've had recently. Can't help but wonder if I had doubled up on my Wellbutrin, if I could have avoided that hell.

You'd think the doctors would figure out that my depression is pretty powerful. I'm on THREE DIFFERENT ANTIDEPRESSANTS, plus an antianxiety that's take-as-needed. Hello? There's a problem.

Anyway. Halloween is Saturday. Carnival is Friday. Kira's costume is not completed, and all I had to do for it this year is get her a prom dress from Goodwill (did that, but it needs to be taken in to fit) and make a sash. Then blood that stuff up.

We're doing the Haunted Pirate Ship again this year. I'm pretty excited about that, but at the same time I'm pushing off getting my ass up to the third floor and bringing down the boxes. The thought is just so exhausting. But I'll get it done, and I'll have an EXCELLENT time Halloween night being scary.

Just don't expect much until then. mk

There's Like, Protein & Stuff, Right?

2009-10-23T19:08:00.002-04:00

Every year around this time, we get a major bug infestation. They're hibernating, and my light-colored, older house is perfect for their needs. We don't rush for the Raid or anything, in fact, every time I see a dozen or so crawling across the ceiling, or landing on a lamp, or sometimes even me, I smile.

We get ladybugs.

The kids and I love ladybugs. They're the one bug that doesn't freak any of us out. (Kira, especially, spazzes about pretty much anything else...fly, moth, heaven forbid a stinging something) We let the ladybugs do whatever they want, and occasionally Kira will decide to make one a pet. Today after the kids got home, we ran to Goodwill to look for pirate shirts, and I found a little ladybug step-stone, and of course, in light of our current guests, I bought it. 99 cents well spent.

So tonight, I'm making dinner (American chop suey), and get the water all boiling. Go to add the macaroni, and suddenly there's this dark little thing floating in the water. Quick as I can, I scoop it up with the ladle, get it over to the sink to drain off the water, and sure enough, it's a ladybug. I boiled a ladybug. I felt horrible. (immediately thought: must! blog! I boiled a ladybug! I boiled a ladybug! That was very nearly the title.)

Now, as I continued to make dinner, several minutes later it occured to me that I was cooking macaroni in water that had contained a dead bug. Which can't be particulary hygenic. Somehow in my mind I justified it with vague thoughts of the ten-second rule (and really, it was way less than that before I got that sucker scooped out), along with the sanitary aspects of boiling water (kills germs, right?). Then we also had the what-the-kids-don't-know-won't-hurt-them idea, and don't some people eat bugs as a regular part of their diet? And, like, protein & stuff, right? Plus, all the time it would take to start that part over, and the waste of the macaroni, etc etc. That battled it right out with the portion of my brain that had only one response: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Of course, I am typing this having just finished my second helping. So guess which part won.

I have not told the kids any of this. My prediction would be: Mark wouldn't really care. And Kira would be totally grossed out, and probably refuse to eat any more (and naturally, because this is what I do when there is pasta involved, I made a ginormous amount of this stuff. we will be eating it for days).

And yet. Being me, I am very very tempted to find out if my predictions are correct. Very. tempted. mk

An Email I Sent Recently (really)

2009-09-25T10:42:00.002-04:00

(And yes, to the guy.)

Ways To Let a Girl Know You've Started Seeing Someone, in order of courtesy:

1) in person
2) by phone
3) email
4) text
5) ignoring her and letting her discover it for herself a week later by seeing a picture on Facebook of you kissing another girl

Slim Goodbody Ruffled My Hair

2009-09-16T19:34:00.003-04:00

One of Kira's soccer coaches is Slim Goodbody. Yes. The real, actual Slim Goodbody. (If you don't remember who Slim Goodbody is, check out the links. If you still don't remember, or never liked him, none of the rest of this is going to be nearly as interesting for you. Also, you are dead to me.)

Growing up, I LOVED Slim Goodbody. He was so cool. I like knowing how things work, and to know how the insides of us worked, that was totally awesome. Yeah, it was a bit weird seeing him in the suit, but I so got past it.

I've kinda known in the back of my mind that Slim Goodbody lived around this area, but it wasn't until I got an email from "Coach John", with a return email address at slimgoodbody.com, that I realized that SLIM GOODBODY was one of Kira's coaches!!!!! I seriously geeked out. I was that excited.

Since then I've kinda just watched him from across the field, while my friend Michelle teases me about "my hero." I wanted to talk to him, but couldn't get it together enough to do it.

Until tonight!

During the soccer game, Michelle's older daughter mentioned how she wanted to go look at his hand. Apparently, this summer, John cut off the tip of one finger and part of another, reaching into his lawnmower to clear a clump of grass WHILE IT WAS STILL GOING. (I asked later, "And you did that because...?" and he replied: "I'm an idiot.")

So anyway, being the science geek that I am, and also the Goodbody fan, I took her over to see him, introduced myself (by name and by reference as Kira's mom), and told him she wanted to see his hand. We checked it out, it's healing quite nicely, he says it feels like he has balloons attached to the tips of his fingers. Quite a crowd of the kids gathered to check it out, too. He was awesome about explaining everything to them (he does have a LOT of experience), and it was great for them to have a chance to check out something like this without being scared or worried about asking questions.

After he was done and the kids wandered away, I got my guts up and told him that when I found out that one of Kira's coaches was Slim Goodbody, I was very excited. He was so pleased and touched that I said so. I explained that I just thought he was so cool when I was growing up. He had a big smile and gave me a one-armed hug around my shoulders and ruffled my hair. I felt about six. It was pretty damn awesome, really. I think I giggled.

He said he'd have to bring me something next time, but that may or may not happen, and I don't really care. I'm just thrilled that I got to meet someone like that, who had such a strong positive impact on my childhood. He was also *very* complimentary about Kira and her soccer skills, and how she had been held up to the team as an example of playing her position perfectly in the game tonight. Which of course earned him even bigger points with me, praising my child. :)

SLIM GOODBODY, y'all! Man, now if I can just meet Bill Nye the Science Guy....and Mr. Wizard (yes, I know he died)...and holy cow the Mythbusters! I swear, if I had them all in the same room, I would just freak out. sigh. I am such a mega-geek. mk

Dance, Dance, Dance (Yowsah)

2009-09-12T07:38:00.002-04:00

Mark went to his first high school dance last night. It was a "Welcome Back" dance. He was pretty psyched about it, was looking forward to getting to see his friends, asking a few girls to dance, just generally jumping in to the whole high school social scene.

Apparently the dance did not live up to his expectations. There was ONE slow song. ONE. And then he was too intimidated to ask the girl he kinda had an eye on, to dance.

He did do the fast dancing, I guess. He said, "Kinda." Whatever that means in teenspeak.

Well, he'll have another chance next month....it will be HOMECOMING. Seriously, eek. I am freaking that my son (MY SON!!!) is doing all this high school stuff that I clearly remember doing. Bizarre. Or, as Chic would say: YOWSAH, YOWSAH, YOWSAH. mk

Back When I Was In High School....

2009-08-25T06:10:00.003-04:00

* They had a straight schedule, five days a week. 42 minute classes, 3 minutes for passing. It changed at the semester. They didn't have all of this color-coded alternating-days, different-schedule-for-each-color, try-to-remember-what-damn-classes-you-have-today crap. And our classes weren't 80 minutes long. One of my high school teachers said that kids maxed out at about 20 minutes of continuous information. That left 22 minutes of goof-off time in his class each day. It was awesome. And you know what? We all learned a lot in his class. This was the same teacher who gave me pointers on how to forge his signature to get me & my friends out of study hall so we could go hang out in his empty classroom. We called it "Advanced Hall-Wandering."

* Each sport did not have its own school jacket that you had to purchase. There was one damn jacket, you bought one of them, and when you "lettered" in a sport, you added the letter and all other associated pins, etc to your jacket. You didn't get a jacket for soccer, another one for basketball, another one for track....each year. At $70 a pop. (and in a MAJOR geek-note...I "lettered" in Academics....did you even know that was possible?)

* Everyone stayed at school all day. There were no early-release programs for juniors and seniors. There was no taking-off during lunch (although kids did sneak off and head over to the corner grocery store). There was a Senior Skip Day (not school-sanctioned, of course), but other than that, your ass stayed at school. Unless you were one of those troublemaker-types.

* Parents were not asked to attend a several-hour long orientation program the first day of school, so that they could meet (only half of) their student's teachers, and "get a feel for a day in the life of their high schooler." Attendance at this is required for the students. So their first day goes from 7:45-2:15, and then again from 5:30-7:50. Long friggin' first day. Wonder if they'll squeeze a soccer practice in there, too?

* There was no "Wellness Room" available to the students, "designed to reduce stress and enhance relaxation." We didn't have these activities available: Massage, Reiki, Reflexology, Jin Shin Jyutsu, Zero Balancing, and Craniosacral Therapy. If you were stressed out, you sucked it up. Try a sport.

* There was not a "Café" where kids got their lunch. It was a cafeteria. That offered one choice for lunch. Eventually they also had what they referred to as a "salad bar." There sure as hell was not a Subway franchise in there. Or a coffee machine. Kids weren't supposed to drink coffee, don't you know it stunts your growth? (a big concern for my 6-foot-tall freshman, but you get the point) I understand that when the bus picks you up at six-freakin-thirty in the morning, you might need a little somethin', but really? That's when you grab a travel mug and sneak some coffee from your parents when they're not looking. Unless they don't drink coffee. Then you were just screwed.

Things shure have changed since Ah was a youngster....you kids have it so easy these days! (ok, not with the scheduling...that's just insane). And we had to WALK to school! Every day! Ten miles! In waist-deep snow! Uphill! Both ways! And we liked it!

Yeah, well, maybe not. mk

Anyone Else Think About This Stuff?

2009-08-21T08:48:00.002-04:00

So, I'm on the boat with Brenda last weekend (yet another thing I should blog about...dang it, the list is getting longer and I just keep not blogging...crap. anyway), and I was snapping green beans in a colander I was holding in my lap. Feeling pretty country. And for some reason my mind traveled along in the bizarre little directions that it does and I got thinking about dropping things (it gets a little dropsy in the galley), and how when I drop things into my lap I clap my legs together to (try to) catch it.

So then I thought, as I ALWAYS do at that point, about The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and when Huck was at the old woman's house, and he was cross-dressed and pretending to be Sarah Mary Williams and the old woman tossed something at him and he caught it in his lap by clapping his legs together. And she followed up after a bit by saying:

"And, mind you, when a girl tries to catch anything in her lap she throws her knees apart; she don't clap them together, the way you did when you catched the lump of lead"

Which means that I am apparently a boy.

So, I happened to verbalize this out loud to Brenda, and weirdly, it turns out that she always thinks EXACTLY THE SAME THING when she catches things in her lap. And we marveled at the similar vein of our brains, and wondered how many *other* people do this.

Do you have weird associations like that, that you always think about at certain times? Another one I have is every time I change the sheets on my bed. I think about some game show I saw a million years ago, where a woman versus a man were racing to make up a bed, and the man actually beat the woman, because she was trying to make the bed look nice and he was just jamming the sheets and pillowcases on, and since neatness didn't count in the contest, he won. And I think about this EVERY TIME. And then don't think about it at all....until the very next time I change the sheets. I know, it's weird.

Also weird is why I thought this would turn out to be an interesting post. It was way more interesting when Brenda and I were talking about it in the galley, but that may have also had something to do with the woodstove cranking at over 550 degrees in a small enclosed space and our resulting brain-friedness.

So, peeps, share some weirdness with me. mk

20

2009-08-01T17:18:00.004-04:00

Tonight, in a little less than an hour, I am attending my 20th high school class reunion. eek.

I always swore up and down and sideways that I would NEVER go to a reunion. EVER. No way. Did I mention NEVER?

So here I go.

wtf?

wish me luck! mk

************
update: It was awesome. I saw so many people I hadn't realized I had missed. There was a LOT of laughing, hugging, shrieking of "oh my GOD! you look GREAT!", more laughing...just awesome. I made it through the entire four-hour reunion AND the afterparty, got home somewhere around 1:00.

So glad I went. And interestingly, I think that going may possibly have exorcised a few demons, some of the ones that have kept me feeling inadequate and miserable, like the unpopular geeky kid I was in high school.

Most everyone still looked just like themselves (you know how sometimes that changes?). Two notable exceptions were the quiet art/skater guy who now looks vaguely like a Sasquatch with a massive beard and heavy-framed glasses...once you knew who it was you could see him in there, but no way was he immediately recognizable. The other was the kid who was heavily-bearded starting in middle school with a thick unmanageable mop of hair, who is now bald & clean-shaven. I stared at him off and on all night and never did reconcile him with my mental picture.

A good time was had by all. Tons of pictures were taken (none with my camera), and I'm sure they'll start popping up on Facebook starting any time now.

So. glad. I. went. mk

Mark's Summer

2009-07-28T09:58:00.002-04:00

Mark is having a very busy summer. On the 10th he left for a two-week camping trip in New York with his friend Max & Max's dad. They went to Fish Creek Pond, and apparently had a total blast. In addition to two weeks in a tent, fishing and boating and kayaking, the boys also played basketball and soccer and volleyball, biked and started a running program (6 miles a day). Max is awesome that way, he really pushes Mark on his athletics. Max is 16 and going into his junior year, so he also knows the ropes at the high school, which is totally awesome for Mark. Love Max.

They were supposed to come home on the 24th, arriving at about 2:30pm, and indeed started out, but had a breakdown in Vermont, in the TINY little town of Cabot, population about 1200. Mark said the people were very friendly, but it creeped him out a little bit that the entire town seemed to know all about them in about 15 minutes. All day long, every person they saw opened with "oh, you must be the guys with the boat who broke down." Everyone was super-nice to them, though.

After spending several hours waiting to find out what was wrong with the truck, they found out that it wasn't going to be able to be fixed until Monday. Mark called with that information, and I made ready to drive 5 hours to go pick him up. Then he called back and said never mind, they were going to rent a car and come home that way. THEN he called and said that they couldn't do that, the rental places were closed (the nearest one was about an hour away from them also), and that Max's sister was coming to get them. Which ended up being the final plan.

They were expecting to get home about 2am on Saturday, but this-and-that delays made it so he rolled in at 4am. I hadn't slept at all, waiting up for him, so Saturday as a whole was pretty much a blur. He insisted he wasn't tired, and wouldn't even try to get a couple of hours' sleep before his dad picked him up for the day.

Then, at 4pm on Saturday, he went to his cousins' house for a late graduation party. There was a HUGE food fight (planned ahead of time), and everyone got totally disgusting. Kim (the twins' mom) literally hosed everyone down afterwards. I saw the footage (in addition to some video, there were about 1000 photos taken, so it was all captured), and it was really really gross. And looked like a blast. Mark was really happy to be able to hang out with his friends again, they all get along so wonderfully, and I know he's going to miss that when they all drift apart come fall.

I picked him up at 8, we stopped in to say hi to my parents and some out-of-state company (who hadn't seen Mark in several years), and then we got back to the house and I made him go right to bed. Not much argument though.

Sunday morning, up bright and early to pack him up and take him to UMaine for basketball camp! That was really weird, driving Mark and his gear to my alma mater, and bringing him to a dorm and leaving him. A definite taste of bringing him to college. eek I met his roommate for the week, who seemed really nice and someone who would get along famously with Mark. They're going to be busy this week! Daily schedule:

8:00am—Breakfast
8:30 am—Free play in field house
9:00 am —Attendance / Stretching
9:15 am—Team Improvement Drills/Team Practice
9:40 am — Games / Competitions
10:30 am— Games / Competitions
11:30 am —Lunch
1:00 pm —Recreation Time
1:45 pm — Instructional Skill Stations
2:55 pm — Games / Competitions
3:45 pm — Games / Competitions
4:35 pm — Game situations instruction—lecture
5:00 pm — Dinner
6:45 pm — Team competitions —1 on 1/3 on 3
7:25 pm— Games / Competitions
8:15 pm — Games / Competitions
9:05 pm — Commuter pick-up /Return to dorms

Mark is gonna looooooooove it. He's all about the basketball. Got a text from him that night (he got a TracFone for his birthday in June):

* This camp rocks, my team kicks ass, and im having da BEST time!!!

So I guess that's going well. :D

I go pick him up on Thursday, at which time our friends from Florida will be here (they stay with my parents), so we'll be cramming in a lot of fun activities with them.

Then, holy cow, Mark will actually have about a week of no scheduled stuff.

August 13th he has a physical, which will allow him to play sports in high school.

The 14th he will be leaving for the weekend to hike Katahdin with X's in-laws. He did that last year, too, and had a fabulous time, although he was then VERY sore for several days. He's not allowed to be sore this year, because he comes back on the 16th and on the 17th:

Soccer tryouts start. A weeklong thing, twice-daily. Mornings from 7-8 are stretching and running, and evenings from 6-8 are drills and scrimmages. His performance over the week will determine which team he is on (freshman, junior varsity, or --unlikely-- varsity), and practices start the next week.

Then the 31st is his first day of high school.

So much for a relaxing summer, eh??? mk

Dig It

2009-07-18T08:23:00.008-04:00

I got a laptop a couple of weeks ago for my birthday (I'm on it now, in fact). My friend Steve gave it to me. Now, ordinarily there is NO WAY I would accept a gift that extravagant, but there were some extenuating circumstances that made this okay.

First, it's not a brand-new laptop. (although it *is* kick-ass. HP pavilion zd7000, originally sold for $2600!!!) He got it by barter.

The barter is the especially cool part. He got the laptop in exchange for servicing the guy's LBT (loader-tractor-backhoe) and his excavator. WHICH he taught me how to do. And how to operate both.

So, I got to change the oil, the oil and fuel filters, and grease the pivot points on both of those (got totally filthy of course). On the excavator, we also had to check the track tension, which meant that I had to pivot the cab 90 degrees, then lower the bucket to the ground and continue to push it down so that it lifted the entire excavator (with me in it!) off the ground on that side. Lower, then rotate around to the other side and do it again. THEN, I got to drive it up the hill a-ways and play with it for awhile, digging holes.

It was a TOTAL COMPLETE BLAST. I had *so* much fun!!!!! (yes, my idea of fun is odd)

And hey, we have video. My favorite:

OK, that's not my favorite. I'll switch it out later. :) mk

Taking a Brake

2009-07-14T22:23:00.002-04:00

Today I replaced the front brake pads and rotors on my parents' van. Meaning, **I** replaced them. My friend Steve (who is an absolute wizard with anything mechanical) taught me how to do it, but I did the labor.

I loosened the lug nuts, jacked the van, took the lug nuts off, took off the tire, compressed the piston, removed the caliper, the brake pads, the rotor, put on the new brake pads & rotor, reinstalled the caliper, put the tire back on, put the lug nuts back on, lowered the van, and torqued the lug nuts.

I get an incredible kick out of learning how to do things like that. Even if I never replace another set of brakes ever, I now *own* this information, this knowledge of how to do it, and that I *can* do it. It's a wicked rush for me.

Wonder what I'm gonna do cool tomorrow. mk

5, 17, 32, Hike!

2009-07-13T17:11:00.004-04:00

I haven't done a lot of hiking in my life. I live in arguably the most beautiful state in the country, but I just haven't done a lot of it. The last one I went on was over a year ago (and maybe a mile. maybe). And I've never been on one alone.

There's a very popular hiking trail that I drive past every time I go to Rockland. I had no idea where it went, how long, or anything, but hiking it made it to my 101 list.

And today was the day.

I put together my pack, got my hiking boots on (don't ask why I have hiking boots if I don't really hike...I have no idea), and drove to the parking area. I figured I'd hike an hour out, and then turn around and come back in.

3 minutes in, I wondered how long it had been since I had taken a real breath. My breathing has fallen into a pattern of being very shallow, which does NOT work well when hiking. Do not try it. I had to work (and actively think about it) to take full, deep breaths, which helped a LONG way in convincing my body that it really didn't need to collapse. How embarrassing to have to turn around so quickly. It was *not* going to happen.

A few minutes after I started giving my body real oxygen, hiking got a lot easier. I really started to enjoy myself. The sounds of traffic died away, and I was just surrounded by trees and rocks and birds in the trees. It was gorgeous, and very relaxing.

The trails on Georges Highland Trail are very well marked and easy to follow. A great deal of the hike (the part where you skirt around Mirror Lake) is pretty easy, but there's enough up-and-down to keep it interesting. Once you started up the mountain on the other side, there were some pretty steep sections that were a little more challenging (or in my case, what-the-fuck-were-you-thinking-when-you-decided-to-do-this-oh-my-god-I-think-I'm-going-to-die level). It looked like this:

But it felt like this:

An hour in, I hadn't quite reached the top, but it was tantalizingly close, and I was damned if I'd done all that steep crap and then bug out without having seen any amazing views. So I trudged on.

I had planned to take a quick water break every fifteen minutes. That worked well the first 45 minutes or so. Then I hit that hell-climb, and it was more like two minutes, rest. Two minutes, swear, rest. Finally I got past that part, and shortly after that, I hit this:

I *almost* stopped there, and in fact did take quite a long rest break, relaxed, recharged. Then I pushed on further, and reached the top (or as near as the path gets to it) and was further rewarded with this:

The climb back down went, of course, much faster, although I was forcibly reminded of the bunions on my toes, and also that I had ripped my knee in Alaska hiking *down* the path. Knee gave some twinges, but it held me up, and amazingly I didn't twist my ankle or really injure myself in any way. I only needed one break, and that was about 45 minutes into the trek back.

Altogether, I was gone 3 hours, and hiked about 5 miles. Not too shabby, thinks I. mk

Reaching Out

2009-05-28T10:25:00.002-04:00

Yesterday several bad days in a row cumulated into one terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I hadn't had a day that bad in a long time, I was very depressed and I could just see myself sliding further and further in.

So I did something different.

I asked for help.

When people (friends, not casual acquaintances or strangers...I can only go so far) asked how I was doing, I told them that I was having a bad day, instead of just putting on a fake cheery mask and saying "Oh, fine, how are you?" And you know what? They didn't gasp in horror and run away. They were caring, and empathetic, and gave good wishes. They were, in other words, true friends. I've been so cautious not to let down my guard with people, and I'm working to overcome that. Yesterday showed me that it won't be nearly as awful as I feared.

Several friends in particular stood out. Shelly, who texted and emailed with me all day, to the wee hours, until we were both doing better (she had a tangibly bad day, including loss of power at her house, getting rear-ended on the way to work, and a doctor's appointment that may end up leading to more surgery). Linda, who made a point of coming up to me at school to see what was wrong. Brenda, who in the midst of her own insanity in getting ready for the season (Sunday!!), took precious moments of time to talk with me, and give me some of her fantastic Brenda-hugs.

And two who absolutely stood out. If I was capable of crying, each of them would have easily had me in tears.

First, Wendy, who came over last night with her three kids and brought me a care basket. She knew I'd been having a rough couple of days, and she and the kids went to the store and put it all together for me, delivered it, then hung out for awhile and gave me some badly needed friend time. The "instruction sheet" said this:

"This is for you, a very special person and friend. I would like to take this time to let you know that I thank you for inviting me to sit with you on the goal line for a soccer game. You made me feel like a part of a community that I had yet to get close to. You are the first friend that I have made in [our town].

"After hearing that you did not have a good day the other day my heart went out for you. The following is what it brought back to me:

"A sleep mask for when you need to block out certain sights,
A bubble bath for when you need to relax,
Some wacky fingernail polish to make yourself feel different,
A stress ball to "squeeze" that someone is making you angry,
A bouquet of flowers to help you remember that someone always cares,
A lilac candle for the scent you like all year round,
A piece of ribbon for that time when you need to remember that baby smooth bottom of your kids when it is them that are making you angry,
A box of Kleenex for when you need to dry the eyes from anger or sadness,
And a wine cooler to help cool the whines.

"I hope that this helps out.
Thanks for being a friend,
Wendy"

And her kids gave me a note that said

"A PEOM [sic] FOR YOU
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
THE SUN IS BRIGHT
AND SO ARE YOU

FROM: MATTHEW, NIKKI AND DIANNA"

The other incredible thing was an email from someone I went to high school with. I had lost touch with him for nearly 20 years, recently re-connected with him on Facebook. He's always been very special to me, and I am so glad that we have gotten back in touch. Yesterday I sent him an email that said I'd been having a really horrible week, and could he please say something sweet. This is what I got back:

"I remember being an awkward, but friendly boy in 7th grade. I was still trying to find a niche in life. Seemed I always was moving and had to find new friends. Not that it was a problem but because I had a ton of freckles and a huge red afro, I was an exceptional target for someone else's amusement. I was quite down one day and wanted to just go home. It was recess at school and here I was dreading the walk out of class and into the hell of the playground which was an uncomfortable paved area in back of the school that used to be a parking lot. I was looking down trying not to make eye contact with any of the unpleasant kids, also trying not to trip over my ever growing clumsy feet. First step outside I looked up to survey the situation and find a target area where I could hopefully hang with a group of friends that didn't mind me around, when I saw the most wonderful thing. A very cute girl with shoulder length sandy blonde hair looking right at me. I only know she was looking at me because when we made eye contact she wore a wonderful smile and blushed a cool rose coloured cheek. She then turned and walked over to her friends glancing back at me every once and a while to see if I was looking, and I was. That moment carried me through the day and I went home giddy and hopeful that life is full of nice surprises worth hanging around for.

"Thank you [markira], I have that moment to remind me that life can be of worth and I can bring a smile of happiness out of someone who matters."

My god, I am so fortunate in my friends.

I titled this post "Reaching Out." In each of these two cases, I had reached out to these people at a time I didn't even realize they were down. I never knew (in the second friend's case, for 26 years I never knew!) how much of a big impact my little action made.

And when I was in need, when I was down, I was able to reach out to them. And I will never be able to really tell them what their actions have meant to me.

So reach out, people. Smile at a stranger. Say hi. Hold open a door. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Little things, but you'll never know when it could make all the difference. mk

Wordless Wednesday: The "You'd Think I Would Remember What I Did To Make My Leg Look Like This" Edition

2009-05-20T13:36:00.002-04:00

Heaven Has Maid Service

2009-05-17T11:06:00.002-04:00

I think my idea of heaven right now would be an entire week (or, dare I dream, a month) where I did not have to be in charge of anything. Where someone else would do the grocery shopping and the putting away, the planning and preparing of meals, the dishes, the cleaning, the laundry, the scheduling, the ferrying back and forth, the making of beds, the paying of bills, the worrying. Where all I had to do is whatever I wanted. Everywhere I needed to be, someone else would drive, someone else would work out the logistics of how and where and when, would keep an eye on the clock to ensure nobody was late. I would be free to enjoy, and imagine, and be totally in the moment.

Apparently my idea of heaven is childhood. mk

#9

2009-05-16T09:32:00.003-04:00

I am in the process of painting my bathroom, which is item #9 on my list of 101.

I have lived in this house for 11 or 12 years now, and I have hated the bathroom the entire time. The people who built it were insane. Most of the walls are raw knotty pine tongue-and-groove planks, and two narrow walls are blue-and-green flowered fiberglass panels. Even the ceiling is raw knotty pine. The edges of the inside wall on the shower are unfinished, with a two-by-four attached to the visible ends of the tongue-and-groove, both of which still showed the lumberyard stamp. We did change the floor, which was RUG, and put in a cheap roll of flooring, but the floor wasn't prepped correctly and the flooring wasn't cut correctly, so it's broken in places and doesn't quite meet up to some walls, or around the toilet. The bathroom door was put on upside-down, and it was painted slate blue (to match the fiberglass). All in all, it's a horrible, horrible room. And very tiny. And dark. And no windows.

The base cabinet of the sink was homemade and also raw wood, but a few years ago I fixed that...I painted it a black rose to match a wall cabinet I purchased, and added brushed nickel door handles. I also changed out the shelving, which was (you guessed it), plain raw boards on track bracketing. (Kept the track bracketing, but got prettier, finished, matching boards)

I also bought a gorgeous mirror, and some coordinating bronze towel racks.

But the walls. The walls were soooooo ugly. They needed serious prep work before I could paint them. The knots needed to be sealed (and there were hundreds of knots), much of the wood needed filling for gouges and cracks and holes. The fiberglass paneling needed to be treated so it would take paint. It would be a huge pain-in-the-ass project.

Well, I've started. My first step was to paint that godawful blue door. Used the black rose paint. Love it.

Kira came in and said, "You painted the door. Why did you paint it?"
me: "Because I *hated* the color it was."
Kira: "What color was it?"
me (mouth open, speechless)

Yes. She has lived her entire life in this house, some 3400+ days, has been in that bathroom at least once every one of those days, and did not remember what color the door was.

anyway. I have now sealed all the knots on the walls (not the ceiling...I couldn't take on the ceiling), primed the fiberglass walls, filled & sanded holes etc with wood putty, primed *those* walls (except in the shower stall...I've sealed the knots, but still need to fill and prime). I need to put a second coat of primer on two walls, finish around the shower, and put several coats of color on.

I broke down today and painted the first coat of color on the wall behind the sink. On the fiberglass walls I'm using an antique green. The wood walls are going to be a silver/grey called vellum.

I have worked hours and hours so far on this, and I have a bunch of hours left to go. But this will be the longest I will ever have to work on this room, because the walls will be easy to repaint now that they're all prepped.

Except the ceiling. Dammit. mk

Idiot on the Phone

2009-05-09T13:57:00.002-04:00

Just got a call on my cell phone. Call ID said "unavailable." Answered it.

Guy: "Can I speak to...um, wait, yeah, Robert would be better. Is Robert available?"
mk: "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number."
Guy: "Is this xxx-xxxx?"
mk: "Yes, but you have the wrong number."
Guy: "This is xxx-xxx-xxxx?"
mk: "Yes."
Guy: "Then it's the right number."
mk: "No, it isn't. You have the wrong number."
Guy: "Who does it belong to?"
mk: "Me."
Guy: "Who is me?" (like I'm going to answer that one, dumbass)
mk: "This is a private line."
Guy: "How long has this been your number?"
mk: "Years."
Guy: "Years?" (in disbelief. Like I am obviously lying.)
mk: "Yes."
Guy: "Have you gotten any calls recently for Sandra (somebody) or Robert (somebody else)?"
mk: "Yes, but this is a personal line. You have the wrong number."
Guy: "You have? When?"
mk: (finally losing patience) "A bit ago. It was probably you. You have the wrong number. I hung up on you then, and I'm hanging up on you now." {ends call}

Seriously? You are going to argue with me that my phone is not my phone? Guy, you have issues.

This idiot called me a few days ago and also tried to tell me that this is not my number. Um, moron? You called it, you got me. Y-o-u . h-a-v-e. t-h-e. w-r-o-n-g. n-u-m-b-e-r. mk

The First Girlfriend Story

2009-05-07T21:33:00.002-04:00

So, as mentioned recently, Mark has a girlfriend. They have been going out for, oh, let me look...12 days. They have had one "date," which was officially a celebration of Eddie's birthday, so 10 of the kids from the class went to the movies. So, Mark + Rachel + 8 chaperones. About a third of the way through the movie, he put his arm around her. He said that some "older" women (probably my age, brat) behind him giggled in an "awww, isn't that cute" way.

But that is not the story. The First Official Girlfriend Story is this:

Monday at school Rachel was cold, so Mark let her borrow a spare sweatshirt of his (a black Celtics sweatshirt that he got for Christmas, so it was a treasured article of clothing). She ended up wearing it for the rest of the day and asked if she could wear it home and he said yes.

Today she gave it back to him. Midway through the day, he put his hands in the front pocket, as he does often, and felt something. Rachel had put a small crystal heart in his pocket for him to find.

Say it with me, peeps: awwwwwwwwww mk

Spring Scheduling

2009-05-05T12:27:00.006-04:00

Oh, I love being a single mom with two kids who are involved in lots of activities!

Here's this week:

Today: Mark has an away game (if it doesn't get rained out). Leaving at 2:20. I'm going on the bus with the team. [as of 2:15--rained out...rescheduled for tomm, same time]
Kira has a home game. She has to be at the field at 5. Made arrangements for her to go home with the other girl on her team, and get a ride to the game, and hopefully we'll be back in time for me to see most of it. [as of 2:20--kira is now coming home after school. waiting to see if her game is also canceled][as of 3:30--kira's game also canceled. Tentatively rescheduled for Mon. Yay! No conflict]

Tomorrow: Mark has practice. But kids are with X, so I've got nothing to do there.
Oh, but I do have a hair appointment at 9:30 [now also have Mark's game, leaving @ 2:20]

Thursday: Mark's got another away game after school. Kira & I will go with.

Friday aka Hell Day of the Week: I'm chaperoning a day-long field trip for all the 8th graders in our district (five schools). That goes from 8:30-2:30
Mark has practice after school, 3-4:30
Kira has an away game (don't know where...x neglected to give me the schedule) She has to be there by 5, game starts at 5:30. [update 3:30: now know where game is...turns out, nobody was given a schedule. not x's fault. for once.]
I'm chaperoning the middle school dance that starts at 7. Before that, I have to 80's Mark's hair. Also need to figure out what I'm doing with Kira, as she is not in middle school. [as of 1:45--Kira is going home with Dianna after school, spending the night]

Saturday: Kira has a birthday party from 1:30-3:30. Somewhere this week she needs to get a present.

And I need to find some time to go check out Goodwill for 80s accessories. Sigh.

I am looking forward to Sunday. I've got NOTHING I have to do. At least not yet. mk
*****
Ha! It has started sprinkling. If it's raining they might cancel games--Mark's or Kira's or both, depends on the coaches for the different leagues. That's not necessarily a bad thing, except who knows when they're going to reschedule so it could end up being even worse. We'll see. And yes, they *have* been known to play through the rain, so just because there are a few drops out there, it doesn't mean we're in the clear yet. I have packed rain gear.

*****
Also, I find it interesting that I abbreviate tomorrow with "tomm" considering that's not the shortened spelling. But writing "tom" just makes me think of either the name Tom, or Time Of Month, so I just can't do it. Anyone else find themselves doing this?

Shake Your Booty

2009-05-03T21:19:00.003-04:00

Went to a dance last night at a local community center. They have dances fairly regularly, sometimes it's a band, sometimes it's a DJ. Last night it was DJ'ed, and he was spinning 80's music. Yeah! What's particularly funny is that this coming Friday I am chaperoning a dance at the school, and *it* will be 80's also! Very funny. Which reminds me that I need to take Mark and Eddie to Goodwill sometime this week, they want to find clothes to go as Bon Jovi. I have no idea how they think they're going to get 80's rock-band hair. At least not Eddie. His is super-short. Mark, I can work my magic with teasing and hairspray. I am goooooood at 80's hair.

Anyway. MY dance. I almost had decided not to go, because I wasn't sure who was going to be there and if it would be anyone I would be really comfortable with. I had all but talked myself into a nice boring evening at home when Ro called and said she'd go if I would. Hurray! So she met me here and we went over together. I let her borrow a T-shirt I have (that is just a bit too tight for me to have worn myself) that had a Rubik's cube on the front and said "Pure genius." My only real 80's contribution to my own wardrobe was lots of blue eyeshadow. I don't even have a haircut that I could 80's up, and no acid-washed jeans that fit. (sad that I can add "that fit." I shouldn't even have them anywhere at all. Why am I storing them? Probably because they are proof positive that at one point in my life I really did have a tiny little waist and ass. Sigh.)

The dance was funny. There were only about 30 people there total. The last one I went to there was a live band and it was pretty packed. But, about half of the people there were in "our" group. So it was kinda cool that way. And oh, we danced.

Some of the interesting things that I remember:

* waiting outside the bathrooms with Ro for one to open up and having Doug come out and ask where the guy was who had been waiting when he went in. I looked at him in all seriousness and said, "We ate him."

* At the end of the dance, when the music stopped, people started chanting "One more song! One more song!" and the DJ did. And Ro went out and for some reason started stripping shoes from people and making a big pile of them. And when Erin grabbed her boots and went to put them back on, she put them on backwards. So Ro tried to help her and just kept jamming the backwards boot on. And Erin didn't stop her.

* Ro wanted to go out for some air (hot work, dancing), and we were next to the bathrooms/door leading outside, and "Thriller" came on, and I yelled "I love this song!" and took off back to the dance floor. Not realizing that the door that she had just gone out automatically locked itself, and she was in the fenced-in playground. She had to hop the fence and come around the building to get back in.

* Ro loving me enough to tell me that my face and hair looked like shit and I needed to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW to fix it. Bless her, she was right. I was a wreck. And I repaid her with the event listed above.

* Of the dozen or so people in our group, it happened that one of the people I knew had brought a friend, and it turned out to be a girl I went to high school with. Who is Peter's cousin. Funny!

* The only unattached guy who was there turned out to be married and "separated" from his wife but they are still living together. And several of the women there kept trying to hook me up with this guy. Um, people. HE'S MARRIED.

* The Electric Slide. I still got it, baby.

* Michelle wearing the band shirt from the last event I went to there. It was really hot and crowded that time and I dressed in a cute little outfit that had too many layers and no way to strip any off, so I ended up buying a band shirt so I could wear something cooler.

* Krista and Kristen doing this great line-dance thing that I would not be able to do on my best day because it required too much coordination. But it looked hot.

* Linda and her mini-mini. And hearing that she did a test before leaving the house where she bent over & asked her husband if he could see her underwear. And then she put black leggings on under it anyway.

* The look on Doug's face when he went to call for a cab home and they were closed. Before midnight. On a Saturday night. (I gave them a ride home...I had stopped drinking two hours before that.) Funnier is that he and Erin used to *own* that taxi company.

* Not being the first person to say that my feet hurt! (although mine did too) And not having them hurt today! (although the knees? yeah, a bit creaky)

* The "single" guy and I talking and finding out we knew some mutual people, and one of the mutual friend's brothers were horrible people and when (Mark? was that his name?) said "guess where I ran into Scott" I half-jokingly said, "Prison?" and it was!! (Mark? was not *in* prison, his company hired some of the people who were allowed work-release)

* Knowing all the words to almost every song they played for four hours. That was awesome.

SO. I had a good night, plan to do stuff like this more often. Linda says there's another dance coming up after-hours in this new cafe, on the 23rd, so I'll see about that.

Rock on! mk

Tipsy

2009-04-25T20:46:00.002-04:00

markira is feeling a wee bit tipsy this evening, thanks to four (!) Smirnoff Triple Black and several months of no alcohol. She would like to share with everyone that she loooooooooooooooooves them and would probably give them sappy hugs if they were anywhere near her. And also, men suck and who needs them anyway.

First of all, why the hell am I speaking in third person? wacko. And OK, that last was probably brought on by the fact that Mark actually asked a girl out and she said yes and he now has a girlfriend and his mother (markira) is still freakin' single and what is wrong with the male population anyway?

I had an *excellent* day at camp today with the kids. Each of them brought a friend and I went out in the kayak (first time this year, yay!) and went out to Loon Cove and saw three turtles sunbathing on a log sticking out of the water, back to back to back and it was soooooo cool. Wish I had had a camera with me, but I was in a kayak, and that was just asking for me to flip the thing and drown the camera and kill it. Still, the boys (Mark and Mark S) got to see two of them (the third freaked out and jumped off the log while I was watching, and was still gone when I led the boys back). Also saw a loon. Very awesome.

Slightly sunburned, which is fine because at least I am not blindingly white. Except my shins. What the fuck? They will NOT obtain color unless I put that fake-tan crap on them. It's pretty gross. The rest of my body will at least not be pasty after awhile, but shins? Yeah, still yucko.

OK, so I know it's only like 9:00 but I am definitely heading for bed. I shall collapse in my nice cozy fluffy bed with my comfy covers and the window open, letting in a sweet cool breeze. I will sleep for probably about five hours before I start the wake-up-and-try-to-get-a-little-more-sleep-god-please phase of the night. Maybe six.

BUT. My bed is comfy and the crickets are chirping and I'm wearing awesome silky pj's and I am apparently so relaxed that as I am typing this I have slid down in my office chair and one leg is stretched out below my desk and the other leg has the foot propped up on the edge of the desk so it is next to my fingers as I am typing on my slide-out keyboard drawer. Wow. Weird. I don't think I've ever been sprawled out in this particular way before. It's actually pretty comfy. My god I'm bizarre.

HEY. Who has missed drunk markira? Show of hands? mememe! mk

Do Not Be Fooled By The Cute

2009-04-16T21:33:00.003-04:00

Who would have thought that something so cute and sweet

would be capable of such destruction?

Tried to explode it in the microwave. Was unsuccessful.

Fear the Peeps. mk

Wordless Wednesday: Spirit Week

2009-04-15T16:32:00.002-04:00

Nitpicking

2009-04-09T12:59:00.003-04:00

The school called me yesterday to tell me that they had found 3 nits on Kira. There's quite a thing with lice going around the school; a whole bunch of Kira's classmates have been sent home within the last week or so, many with actual live lice.

Yesterday was X's day with the kids, so I called him to tell him to pick her up. He freaked out. He went on about how he didn't want her at his house "infesting" his kids (um, hello, SHE is your kid) and his dogs (head lice don't live on dogs) and his house. He wanted me to keep her because "we" KNEW my house was infested, and his wasn't (um, hi, nits hatch in 6-10 days--and she's been there within that time at least twice), and he wasn't going to have her.

I told him his day, his kid, he was getting her and I wasn't, end of story, buh-bye. Then I hung up, grabbed my bag & left the house. As I was leaving, the phone was ringing and it was D, calling to "reason with" me. I ignored the call & let her talk to the machine, then I ignored my cell when she called *that.*

I headed to my parents' house, because I hadn't seen or talked to them for a while, and also because Dad was in the school system for 35 years and he was very qualified to check my head to see if I had anything. (I didn't, and Dad also said I had the cleanest hair he had ever seen. Cool.)

Visited & caught up for awhile, then headed home to find seven more messages on my machine. Two were D. One was just repeating again that it didn't make sense for Kira to go to their house and risk exposing all of them and the kids to it, and would I please call her back. The next one was a little more hysterical, she was at the store about to pick up the treatment, and she "won't have it", she won't have Kira at her house and risk the other kids and have chemicals in the house and she was calling X and telling him to pick Kira up and drop her off at my house. (ha-ha! I wasn't home!) The other five were hang-ups from them.

There was also a lovely set of skidmarks in the dirt turnoff into my driveway, where I am assuming X rather forcefully executed a turn when he realized I wasn't home.

I was really pissed that he was getting all bent out of shape on this. I could have taken Kira, I wasn't scared of her or of her "infesting" the house. I didn't, because I didn't like how X was assuming that he could just thrust the problem at me and he wouldn't have to deal with it. When the kids are with him, they are WITH HIM, whether they are sick or irritated or whatever.

I hope to hell he didn't treat her like a leper and make her feel ashamed or embarrassed. Bad enough that he picked her up and then drove to my house to leave her, making her feel unwanted. She'll get extra cuddling from me when she gets home today, to demonstrate that I'm not ashamed or scared of her.

I *have* done quite a bit of washing of bedding etc and vacuuming. I picked up a treatment kit because she'll need a followup in about 7-10 days, along with frequent checking in the meantime.

Too much drama yesterday. I particularly like how they assumed that Kira walking into the house was "dangerous." People. Lice are spread by contact. Kira didn't even HAVE lice, she had nits. Get the nits out, problem solved. Vacuum & wash stuff she'd had contact with in the last several days in case a hair with a nit on it had fallen out. No need to panic and freak out. And believe me, I'm good at the panic-and-freak-out thing, so if *I'm* calm, it's gotta be okay. mk

Who the Hell Makes These Commercials?

2009-04-07T14:13:00.002-04:00

I've thought for a long time that the people in advertising who create commercials are completely convinced that we are all morons. The average commercial treats us all like idiots. grrrr.

Anyway, some of the things on TV that have irritated me recently (like that's hard):

* DNA tests on court-tv shows. We go an entire half-hour or so, listening to every little detail of these people's relationships, hearing the judge's opinion on whether or not it will work out and whether they're decent people, then at the end is the big dramatic reveal of paternity. Seriously, just skip to the end. All the other stuff is irrelevant. There is no "ruling" on paternity. It's a blood test. Really.

* Speaking of, I still haven't seen Mamma Mia! but the premise drives me a little batty. Daughter brings a bunch of guys her mom slept with who *might* be her father to her wedding, and tries to figure out which one is her dad. Two words, people: paternity test. And lest you now be inspired to comment to tell me how much you loooooooved the movie, it's irrelevant. The PREMISE of the movie is idiotic.

* The latest $5 footlong Subway commercial. It's a friggin' cheerleader routine. "5. $5. $5 footlong. ANY. foot.long." I scramble for the remote as soon as I see that starting, singing la-la-la to drown it out.

* ANY of the Hillshire Farms "Go meat" commercials. But especially the one in the airplane. This is another one that gets muted as fast as I possibly can. I can't even LOOK at that one.

* Legal Options. One of them has two "soccer moms" standing by a sports field. Both are in sweatsuits. (because you know, all of us soccer moms only wear sweatsuits when we cheer on our kids) One of them has pant legs that are too short and make her look like an idiot. The other woman, the one who is hanging on her friend's every word hearing about this great business, echoes "Legal Options?" and the last part of 'options' is so high dogs will bark. Then at the end, she's all "I'll call them right now!!!!" all chipper and amazed. She's a moron. And there is wind sound through the microphones, which are all muffled. Really. Fix that.

* The Herbal Essences girls. They all have these long pointy noses and flair their nostrils out at some point during the commercial. (well, all two that I've seen) Wait...is it Herbal Essence? I have no idea, I'm too busy being annoyed by these women's noses.

* The Dixie coffee cup commercial. What the hell is with the shoulder thing they all do at each other? It's stupid. And not in a "Pepsi side-head-bop" catchy-stupid way. It's just flat-out stupid. Then they all end up in the elevator posing with their cups. Ya.

* Cash 4 Gold. The guy with the (incredibly outdated) glasses, the main spokesguy, NEVER BLINKS. Ever! And the individual people are ALL annoying! In BOTH commercials we've seen! My kids even grab for the remote to mute this one, while we all make noise so we don't hear even a millisecond of it.

* The Japanese guy on Heroes. I don't even care what his name is. He is an idiot. One of the reasons I have zero interest in this show is because of him.

I know there are more, but those are the ones that popped into my head first. There. Haven't vented about idiocy in awhile. I feel better. :) mk

Heard From Mark: Oh My

2009-04-07T13:52:00.002-04:00

Last night, viewing a commercial for an upcoming episode of Tyra Banks, in which they will explore whether women with a larger cup size are treated better:

Mark: "I speak for all men, including babies: breasts? are good."

Oh. My. mk

Wordless Wednesday: That's Not Factory-Standard

2009-04-01T11:03:00.001-04:00

Where Mark Is Today

2009-03-31T07:23:00.002-04:00

My friend Kimmie works at Perkins School for the Blind. The owner of the Boston Celtics (Wyc Grousbeck) has a son who goes there. In fact, that's how he got to the area and ended up purchasing the team.

So Kimmie occasionally gets some Celtics-related perks. She got two tickets to a game awhile back and took Mark. And the team comes to the school occasionally for programs. One of the programs they do is Read to Achieve, where several members of the team come to the school, read to the students, and then help with arts and crafts. So when the program was scheduled for today, she immediately thought of Mark and called me.

She's actually kinda sneaking him in, but once he's there he will be volunteering. .He'll help with the arts and crafts. He's been to Perkins before, met a bunch of the students, and he'll do a great job with that.

SO. Hopefully he'll get a hat autographed and get some pictures. We'll see when he gets home, (obscenely) late tonight! mk

Overheard

2009-03-28T16:43:00.001-04:00

Kira, playing with some guys in the dining room. Can't see her, but I hear:

"But they cost more!"
"No they don't!"
"Yes they do! Babies cost more"
"No, babies cost less...................at WalMart!"

Introducing the newest blogger in the family

2009-03-27T20:13:00.002-04:00

Mark's created his first blog!

Take a peek at Sprtsgeek. mk

p.s. Be sure to scroll all the way down. There are games under his first post.

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby...

2009-03-20T07:40:00.002-04:00

Mark's hormones have switched on to "rage." He's started being *very* aware of women in the various teeny-tiny outfits they wear on TV, and he loooooooooved his Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.

To complement this, in school right now in guidance they're talking about "Reducing the Risk," about pregnancy and STIs and abstinence and condoms (they're allowed to talk about condoms, but they can't *see* a condom). They'll be doing some role-playing to build skills on how to avoid peer pressure to be prematurely sexually active. etc etc.

So Mark comes home the other day and asks to speak to me privately. After some stumbling about sex and premarital sex, he gets to his point, which is to ask whether IF (he sooo stressed the if) he were to accidentally get a girl pregnant, would I help him out with figuring out what to do, etc.

I was so proud of him for coming to me with this question. I was pleased that he felt he could bring it up. I did give him a bit of crap for thinking for a second that I would abandon him when he needed me, but it was great because we opened a discussion. We talked about all the different options when a girl gets pregnant, and how I've known people who have taken each of them, and we discussed premarital sex and condoms. I offered to show him a condom but apparently he's already seen one. A friend of his was given some by his mother a year or so ago, (!!!) and the boys have taken a look at it.

Same topic, different approach...we were watching House (yes, we watch it a lot) and there was an opening in which the patient was involved in a sex fantasy & collapsed. Mark didn't understand what was going on, and I -very- briefly explained that some couples have sex fantasies and do some roleplaying. Mark was silent for a minute, and then he said, "From what I've been hearing and seeing on TV and stuff, it looks like sex is really GREAT!"

Woooooooooonderful. mk

Honey, I love you and I support you in school, but...No.

2009-03-19T15:47:00.003-04:00

Mark and I love to watch House. There are reruns on almost every night, sometimes several of them in a row.

Tuesday night in one of the episodes the fellows had to do an emergency tracheotomy. Mark pipes up to tell me that his science teacher has always wanted to do one, and that he (Mark) thought it would be pretty cool. (Mark's teacher was an EMT, so that's not quite as freaky as it sounds, but still kinda odd) I just kind of nodded along.

Then Mark looks at me speculatively and says, "Mom, are you having any trouble breathing?"

Sorry, Mark. No matter how much you protest that it's "just a little cut!" I am not letting you and your science teacher perform a tracheotomy on me. Even for extra credit. mk

Reason #19 Why I Need A Laptop

2009-03-11T23:52:00.003-04:00

Because all of my best ideas come when I am either in bed or going to bed and if I had a laptop I could have it right there with me and then I wouldn't forget them all and the world would be a better place. Amen. mk

The Cyberworld is giving me a big hint

2009-03-10T00:21:00.015-04:00

Having realized that I missed Fun Monday (which was also National Panic Day, which I discovered at 12:02am on *TUESDAY*, and actually panicked a little because I missed what should be one of my big holidays of the year), I've been perusing The Daily Meme for ideas for a Tuesday post. After rejecting TMI Tuesday (really, people, you don't want me answering some of those questions), I also found these two:

Tackle It Tuesday
Each Tuesday you post a before and after pictures of a project or trouble area that they tackled that week.

That's My Answer--"The Official Question of the Day"
Which this week was about painting...what colors you paint your ceilings and if you tape off the woodwork or just wing it.

And what is really kind of bizarre about these is that I purchased today (wait, sorry, Monday...it's 12:30am, I've not yet switched days) several items to do a makeover in my bathroom, and made final selections on paint colors. Tomorrow (today, damn it) I will be doing some repairs, priming the knots on the paneling, and painting the door and possibly some more priming. This was already planned before I read these memes.

Insert Twilight Zone music here.

Hey wait, I can!

Honestly, I'm amazed Mark still comes within 50 feet of me at school

2009-03-09T16:20:00.003-04:00

I think I am probably one of the biggest geeks I know.

This week is MEA testing for Mark's class. (Kira's were last week.) One of the things that happens is that parents volunteer to send in snacks or drinks. Well, I volunteered to send in snacks *and* drinks for Mark's class. I chose Thursday, which is the only all-math day. Yes, I deliberately chose my day for snacks based on when they were doing math.

WORSE! I have now made up little snack-packs, each containing a small Gatorade, a Nature Valley granola bar and a trail mix pak. I put them into little brown-paper bags, and on each one I have stapled a slip of paper with a weird math trivia item on it. (ex. The billionth digit of pi is 9) I've made a little bag up for each kid plus the teacher.

Mark has just shaken his head and rolled his eyes at my geekiness. He did request that I drop off the snacks before school so no one would know who sent them.

Um, hate to break it to you, babe, but I'm pretty sure they'll alllllllllllll know. mk

************************
For any of my fellow-geeks, here are the trivia items I used:

*National Pi Day is March 14 at 1:59 (3/14 1:59)

*The largest prime number is 13,395 digits long;
More than the number of atoms in the universe.

*The billionth digit of pi is 9.

*If you add up the numbers 1-100 consecutively (1+2+3+4+5 etc)
the total is 5050.

*111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,876,654,321

*There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

*2 and 5 are the only prime numbers that end in 2 or 5.

*'FOUR' is the only number in the English language that is spelled with the same number of letters as the number itself.

*The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven.

*The largest number in the English language with a word naming it is a googolplex, which is 1010^100 , which would be written
as 1 followed by a googol of zeroes.

*The fear of numbers is called arithmophobia or numerophobia.
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia is fear of the number 666.
Triskaidekaphobia is fear of the number 13.

*If you keep removing a digit from the right hand end of the prime number 73,939,133, each of the remaining numbers is also prime.  It's the largest number known with this property.

*In the English language "forty" is the only number that has all its letters in alphabetical order.

*To multiply 10,112,359,550,561,797,752,808,988,764,044,943,820,224,719 by 9 you just move the 9 at the very end up to the front. 
It's the only number that does this.

And in a perfect example of what a math geek I am, I had a very hard time putting * in front of each fact, because that is the computer symbol used for multiplication. Yes.  Geek.  I know.

Morning Trivia

2009-03-09T09:12:00.001-04:00

If you put your bra on inside-out, it will take at least five minutes of cursing and wondering what the hell happened to your bra and was it always this hard to hook before you figure out that you are an idiot. mk

2009-03-08T11:05:00.002-04:00

Mark and his friend Eddie did an act in last week's Talent Show. Eddie has since posted a video of it on YouTube. Proud mama shares:

Kira also had an act with a bunch of other kids in her class. I'm working on trying to get that video made and uploaded. Will update. mk

p.s. I have never known anyone to ever get a good-quality video in our gym. Ah well, faceless kids makes for better anonymity, eh?

Daylight Saving Tweets

2009-03-08T10:24:00.002-04:00

TheBloggessSo if it automatically becomes 1am at midnight but I set my watch alarm for 12:30am I'm pretty sure the earth collapses in on itself
TheBloggessNice knowing you all. #daylightsavingstimewilleventuallydestroyus
TheBloggessIt's later than you think.
TheBloggessNot like metaphorically... just fucking daylight savings time.
TheBloggessBut probably metaphorically too.
TheBloggessApparently today is International Women's Day. It's the shortest day of the year. Good one, men.

**********
I friggin' love Jenny. mk

I Told You I Would, Brenda!

2009-03-04T23:31:00.003-05:00

Brenda was over tonight to start Season 12 of America's Next Top Model. Afterward, as girlfriends are wont to do, we chatted about a myriad of topics. Somehow we got onto the subject of how awesome Google is, and she mentioned that she googled something the other day that actually returned no real results. Her search:

Why doesn't your brain fall out your ears?

After the requisite hysterical laughter and my promise (or threat, I suppose it's your viewpoint) to blog that, we moved on.

But after she left, I Googled it ("brain fall out ears"). [The first result was awesome, a question on Yahoo: A dog licked my forehead will my brain fall out.] But most of the results were concerning tubes placed in the ears, which often fall out (the tubes, not the ears). I also saw several references to your brain *leaking* out of your ears, so I googled *that*, which returned lots of results, mostly to do with horrible music.

BUT, there was actual real knowledge to be discovered! I found out that your brain does not fall out of your ears because it is surrounded by several layers of membranes that cushion it, along with the cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) that is constantly produced by and drained from the brain. (Drained *where* was my first thought--turns out it drains primarily into the blood through a fairly complicated process that I lost interest in) I did learn that the CSF is completely replaced ("turned over") about 3.7 times a day. And that a trauma to your skull can lead to the rupture of the membrane and the leakage of the CSF, which can open up the possibilities of all kinds of nasty conditions, like meningitis, which is an infection of the membrane around the brain.

SO. The reason, dear Brenda, that your brain does not fall out of your ears, besides the fact, as we discussed, that the brain is solid and larger than the ear canal, is that it is contained within membranes that hold it in place.

Ta-DA!

And now perhaps there will be a helpful result for the next person to Google that question. ;) mk

primary sources

Wordless Wednesday: Sketch

2009-03-04T08:47:00.002-05:00

Tuesday Tip: Gas Gauge Secret

2009-03-03T13:45:00.002-05:00

Beast Mom posted a wonnnnnnnnderful item on her blog yesterday!

Apparently, there is a little arrow on (most) car gas gauges that points to the side where your gas tank is.

Huh. Who woulda thunk it?

How many people knew about this one? I've been driving for over half my life and did not know. I feel a little stupid.

I also want to go around and check the gas gauges of everyone's car.

Are there other secrets out there of which I am ignorant? (ok, I *know* there are secrets of which I am ignorant. I mean, are there secrets of which I should NOT be ignorant? ok, wait, I'm sure that's a long list, too. Here: share more tips like this!) mk

p.s. When I read BM's post, I immediately got my shoes on and went right out to the car to check this. I mean, before I even read comments. Before I finished her post. RIGHT THEN.

I have issues.

I Could Not Agree More

2009-03-02T12:01:00.003-05:00

In reading a synopsis of a House episode, I found this:

I don't know what a blind uterus is, but I have one that presumably is sighted and it's a pain in my freaking ass every month. I can't imagine how much more difficult a special needs uterus would be.

Yeah, baby. I hear ya. mk

***********
Geek alert: After a TON of Google research, I have pretty much determined what (I think) is meant by a "blind uterus." They mean a unicornuate uterus with a noncommunicating rudimentary horn. This basically means a uterus that has developed abnormally, splitting into two sections, with one section more developed and the other section (the horn) underdeveloped and in fact closed off to the vagina, not allowing for outlet of menses. That would totally suck.

Moxie Museum

2009-02-27T09:13:00.003-05:00

If you're not looking for it, it would be easy to miss. There is no formal store sign. Just a bunch of printer-paper posters, mostly saying "Yesssss" and a vertical line of letters on the door spelling "M O X I E."

Yep, the Moxie Museum in Lisbon Falls.

Every "real" Mainer (and most of the outa-staters who live here) has heard of Moxie. It's definitely a love-it-or-hate-it drink. It was originally created over 130 years ago as a cure-all called "Moxie Nerve Food." It was reputed to cure everything from insanity to mental imbecility to paralysis to digestive ailments.

Moxie is the official state beverage of Maine. It has a very distinctive taste (and aftertaste!), flavored by gentian root and wintergreen. It used to also contain sassafrass, but that was outlawed in the 60s. (It also originally contained cocaine.) It has been likened to drinking a Fig Newton, or a gummi bear in milk, or (as my mom puts it) motor oil. (also root beer with bitters, but that's not quite as creative a comparison, although more accurate)

The Moxie Museum is run by Frank Anicetti. It is not affiliated in any way with the company that manufactures Moxie. It's not a museum in the true sense, more a collection of privately gathered memorabilia. The shop where it is located is interesting in an architechural sense, but it's also dusty, dim and cluttered. Frank himself has an encyclopedic knowledge of Moxie, and will break out into obviously rehearsed speeches at slightest provocation. The speeches are interesting, though, and he is delighted to share them with you.

There is even a Moxie Festival held in Lisbon Falls, the second weekend in July. There are an amazing number of events, including a parade, and reputedly around 25,000 people go each year. In the off-season, Frank says he is lucky to get 12 visitors a day (I was there for quite a while, and I think that figure is closer to 1).

While I was there I of course purchased some Moxie to take with me (regular and diet, which Frank says tastes more like the original product). The kids and I had a Moxie-tasting, where each of us took at least three full drinks of the beverage, as recommended by "Mr. Moxie." We decided that it was much better after the third drink, but still not something we'd want to drink on even an irregular basis. As evidenced by the half-full bottle that has been sitting on the kitchen bar for a week, untouched. And the can of diet, unopened.

Still, it was a trip and an adventure and I'm glad I went. Pictures, naturally. mk

Frank Anicetti, "Mr. Moxie," does his best impression of the Moxie finger.

Frank has Moxie bottles collected from around the world, many with little signs that indicate which country they came from.

More of Frank's memorabilia. Ted Williams endorsed Moxie, as indicated by the tin sign in the cabinet. My dad has one of those tin signs hanging in the barn at his house.

A Moxie fan in North Carolina made this airplane from Moxie cans and sent it to Frank.

Wordless Wednesday: Another Sign

2009-02-25T08:17:00.003-05:00

Fun Monday: Kitchen Counter Edition

2009-02-23T12:05:00.003-05:00

Ari at Beyond My Slab is hosting this week's Fun Monday.

Topic: It's time for show and tell. What does your kitchen counter look like right now? (And no fair cleaning just for the picture!) Do you have any favorite or unusual items on your counter?

OK, so having no idea what my counter would look like this morning, since I haven't been in the kitchen today but both of my children have, off I went with the camera. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was not a complete horror show, although still a bit messy.

Let's see...the popcorn popper is still out from yesterday, along with a bag of yellow popcorn. We have the rows of canisters and jars that edge the counter all the time, because I don't have nearly enough cupboard room. (containing, back row, left to right: nothing, sugar, flour, spaghetti, tri-color rotini, trail mix, nothing, ancient candy canes, splenda packs, individual water flavor packs, homemade pickles from Mom, Atkins bars [from the last time I was on Atkins, probably a year ago or longer], cookie jar filled with saltines. Front row, butter dish, pumpkin-shaped glass jar with dried fruit) There's a box of whole-wheat croutons from dinner on um, yeah, Friday, when I made breading for homemade chicken strips. The cinnamon-sugar shaker is out, along with a clothespin that probably held a bag of pretzels closed, and one of the pairs of kitchen scissors, which neither child is ever capable of putting back. A toaster. Leaning against the refrigerator, a glass cutting board.

Not technically on the counter, but there are also overripe bananas that I was going to make banana bread with today, but we're out of milk. And two dried floral arrangements from my friend Brenda's wedding last May. Between the counter and the overbright window there is a battery charger for my Black n Decker tools.

So there ya go. Not particular exciting. I'm not showing you the other counter, which is stacked with dirty dishes that apparently cannot be put in the dishwasher located *directly under that counter*.

So, now I've successfully wasted another twenty minutes or so, instead of tackling the laundry. Sigh. And now also cleaning the counter. mk

The Road To Misery Is A Dead End

2009-02-21T21:42:00.003-05:00

In Kennebunkport, on Oak Ridge Road, there is a prophetic sign:

Sure enough, you soon reach:

And here I am, on a private Road to Misery

And yes, it's a dead end. mk